Updates from KK. =)

I know my blog is rotting away so I guess I should really update what is new in my life! I have been back in KK for nearly one month already and it has been quite a peaceful stay.
Living in KK compared to the past is so much different now especially with rising inflation. Food here is so much more expensive!

I went for a worship seminar with the Clancy’s yesterday which brought back a lot of old memories of service to church especially my old passion and commitment to the youth.

I remember in the past wondering why as some youth get older their passion to serve God dwindles and the fire dies down. I remember telling myself that I will never let it happen and the worst thing now is that I can feel that my own fire wasn’t as strong as it was before.

In a way I have grown quite skeptical of some Christian theology and weary of the various controversial disputes of the Church. This is the first time in 2 years that I really have time to spare in my beloved hometown and I really hope I get to reconnect again with the people I have always loved.

I do have a feeling of sadness that it has been 3 years leaving home and the distance between us all is wider than ever. All I can do now is hope for the best and think positive that I can do a little good while I am back.

I bought an old book today. (Dad bought it actually) It cost me rm30 for a 20 year old book. The title is “Disappointment with God. Three questions no one asks aloud” by Philip Yancey.

Here is the summary from the back of the book.

Is God Unfair?
Is God Silent?
Is God Hidden?

These three questions are confronted with piercing honesty in Philip Yancey’s most profoundly personal book yet.

Yancey’s journey to answer those questions began with a friend’s loss of faith. A series of life crises convinced his friend that God “just doesn’t seem to care.” (I can really relate to this as I have friends who felt the same way)

Yancey’s subsequent search for answers brought him face-to-face with questions Christians have faced through the ages: If God desires our love, why does he sometimes put obstacles in the way? Why does he seem so distant? What can we expect from God after all?

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I will be here for another 11 and a half weeks and in the time that is given to me I hope to really make a significant impact even if it is small.

I realised this year I have learnt a lot from the new people I have met. The experiences I had this year can be really valuable stories to others as I share my joy and pain in trying to live a better life.

I actually wanted to start blogging on a love series but at this particular time I should really blog about my journey in regaining back my faith. I will never forget the quote that Elden wrote to me in a card, “Passion is Contagious.” Yet we must always ask ourselves if life has become a routine or are we always living out our lives passionately?

We become skeptics as we grow older but I believe even if it seems the world is falling apart, there will always be hope if you are willing to stand up and fight.

I want to always stay strong in my convictions yet in every belief I have shimmers of doubts. Yet I know in my deepest core I will always fight to believe.

Well on a positive note, I am enjoying spending time with my parents. I do get annoyed as usual by their constant lectures but it is still nice to be home. Somehow when you meet your old friends again, your old habits and ways of acting returns which is so extraordinary! (Seriously like one of the episodes of How I Met Your Mother when Lily met her high school friend and became like a different person)

It has also been great to spend some time with Doctor Wilkins and Vincent Lai. They actually made my day so much brighter when I am with them. Thanks guys! Come back soon Elden! I am glad that QE patients are much better in his hands rather than some other docs. So far the only ex classmates I got to spend a bit of time with (like one outing lol) are Laura, Melissa, and Virgil. Haha, I really do hope more friends come back and find me…
Feeling so unloved right now people! =(

Well, as a reward for my faithful blog readers who read until the very end, I have a confession to make! I have been spending time with a particular someone too. Special or not only time will tell. Haha, it has been quite a secret ordeal and to reveal it would take a lot of courage on my part. It is not time yet. =)

So yea I know a lot must be so curious right now! Well suffer away people! Ask no questions and you’ll be told no lies! Kekeke…

Well I’ll sign off now! Stay tune guys, I promise more interesting posts! I know it is about time for me to share about my 10 qualities…Another time ppl! =D Sorry for the boring post today. =)

Are you dating the right guy?

This post is more for girls and a lesson for guys...

In legal history I learned the philosophy of "as if." It is the concept of finding out something by finding out what it is not.
For example, how would you find the right guy? One way is by having the knowledge of the wrong type of guys and eliminating them off your list.
I came across this interesting article in msn.com and I just felt like posting it up...

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As the sayings go, "the skies the limit" and "there are many fish in the sea". But, there are just some 'fish' that are going to cause you a real tummy ache if you eat them - so much more pain than pleasure. Here are a list of those you should be looking out for and steering clear off.

Do you find yourself constantly being let down by the men you date and bouncing between being single and in a relationship as often as Jessica Simpson? The problem isn't you; it's the men you're dating.
The holes in your dating sieve are currently bigger than the one we have in the ozone layer, and its allowing any man who shows you even the smallest morsel of attention into your life. You need to tighten the reins on your life and raising the dating bar. It's a huge experiment requiring lots of trial and error, but there are certain men who don't even deserve an ounce of your attention. And, once you know what to look for, it's not too hard to sift through the rest of the dating pool to find Mr Right.
But, until Mr Right does come along, here's a list of guys you should definitely banish from your list of potential options.

1# Mr Tin Heart

The emotionally unavailable man has been the pitfall of many single women. Yet, he's the easiest of the species to spot. So why do we get ourselves into such a mess with him when we usually know early on that it would sooner snow in Malaysia before you can get him to commit?
“These women really believe that they can change a man's mind about being with them, or they simply make themselves believe they can, because they feel like they have no other choice,” explains Sally Reeves* a relationship counselor.
There's usually a reason why these men can't commit. Your job isn't to figure out why that reason has come to be, but instead, if it's a reason that's actually good enough for you. If it is, then maybe you need to look at yourself and ask "why don't I find somebody who is ready for commitment?" says Susan Jeffers, author of 'Opening Our Hearts To Men.'

2# Playa

He's the perfect lover, makes you feel like you're the queen of his world and that he's perched you high above a pedestal away from any other woman in his sight. He's well-dressed, charming, witty, funny, and his manners are impeccable. He's out to make an impact on the women he makes, and he'll definitely make that impact on you...and every other woman that tickles his fancy.
Every woman will come across at least one of this kind in her lifetime, and while the charm and attention may be extremely flattering, don't be fooled. You know you'll be nursing a broken heart when he gets bored.

3# Mummy's Boy

In Western cultures, any 20 something year old man still living under his parent's roof would (almost literally) be laughed out of house and home. While the same concept cannot be applied here in Asia, it's not hard to spot a mummy's boy.
The signs aren't even subtle. He's always going to choose mum (or aunt or sister) over you. And while there may be times he's hesitant about making that decision, make no mistake, the end outcome will always be the same: Mum 1 - You 0.
What's worse, when things don't work out, he'll believe that the issues lay with you not trying hard enough to get along with his family.

4# Tan Sri Lambat (a.k.a. Sir Late-A-Lot)

Let's be honest here: the concept of 'Malaysian timing' is just an all too common excuse for us to be late. But the fact that we know there's going to be traffic, yet make no allowances for it, just says that we're being disrespectful. Same goes for a guy. If he knows he's made an appointment to meet you at a certain time, yet can't be bothered to plan around that accordingly, he's pretty much saying, "I'm unreliable, disorganised and I don't really respect your time."
“Every time you break a time promise there is a consequence and you are sending a subtle message to the person you stood up that they are less important than you or whatever you were doing” Karen Kawalec*, a behavioral specialist and counsellor from the UK. "Do this enough, and you’ll strain the relationship you have with this person for the long term. It also says that you aren’t responsible, reliable, or maybe even sincere and honest.”

5#Mr Office-Is-My-Home

We applaud men with ambition. We applaud their dreams and aspirations and seriously, that go-getter attitude is sexy! But there's a time and place for everyone, and no job needs to be worked at all day, every day.
On the plus side, the workaholic is always well-dressed with impeccable manners and an admirable knowledge of many things. He knows how to make you feel like a real lady. On the other hand, dinner dates (if they hadn't already been cancelled) will usually turn into a solo affair, with you picking at the food while he screams down the phone about some deal or the other.
However, we're not going to relegate all workaholics to the no-fly zone of dead beat men. You'll have to exercise some discretion, and patience, to sort through the ones you can deal with and the absolute no-hopers.

6# Mr Whiny

This guy's self-esteem has fallen so low, it's almost made friends with the Hobbits of middle Earth. But, he doesn't think it's his fault; it's always someone else's.
Maira*, a psychologist of 10 years says, “as an adult, pity becomes a burden. It's almost endearing for a child to be sucking its thumb and clutching a blanket. For an adult, well... you're not going win a whole lot of admiration among your peers! Pity disconnects you. It disconnects you from yourself, from other people, from your world, and from your own control.”
His constant belief that he is the victim means he's always seeking attention and becomes distressed when he feels he isn't getting what he needs. While some women's overpowering maternal instinct draws them to men like this, eventually, they will get tiring.

7# Mr Quick Trick

Admittedly, everyone lies. But, this lying leech has an excuse for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
At the start of your relationship, the fibs were subtle. You knew there was something not quite right about his explanation but he backed it up with something solid, so you let him get away with it. But, the more he gets away with, the bigger his lies get.
"It's like he couldn't help himself and was addicted to lying!" says Shauna* of her ex. "I used to believe him at first because they were just little things, but eventually, they became so frequent, and sometimes were even so ridiculous I actually felt embarrased for him!"

8# The Ex Texter

There's nothing wrong with being friends and keeping in touch with your ex, but too much contact can prove detrimental to future relationships.
“When you continue an emotional relationship with someone instead of letting go, you will usually have subconscious feelings for them or realise that the feelings never went away, which can be damaging to new or potential relationships,” Sally* says. “But, you get a rush from doing it and from hearing back, and it's naughty, yet safe in its own right."

9# The Game Boy

Nothing wrong with a man and his game console...unless he chooses it over you.
“In the broad sense, it’s (consoles) a substitute for social interaction, or just another outlet” explains Ken Lee*, who works in a computer games outlet. “Computer games represent an individual challenge for men and can be a way of relaxing.”
In a way, gaming to men is what shopping is to women - therapy. But, that doesn't mean we shop all the time. The absolute danger sign ladies, is when he calls in sick at work because (a) he didn't sleep the night before battling zombies or (b) he needs the day to advance to the next level. When that happens, either 'accidentally' trip and spill a mug of hot tea over the console, or, if you fear that may endanger your life lest he rage at you, just leave his keys by the door and leave. You'll be better off for doing it.

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Hahaha, reading this article actually gave me a wake up call. I could actually relate to all of the bad qualities stated up there...damn!
Well, I realised there is much room for improvement for me to be a better boyfriend one day...
Okay, let's do this!

Stay tune for my next post! I will share my ten qualities of my perfect spouse! =)

Humble Beginnings of Hope. Faith. Love.

I was actually planning to make this an emo post...
But this morning I was received an email from Regina W about my blog helping her find the answers she needed and I realised that if I am unable to write something encouraging, I should not write anything at all. This blog as the title states above is meant to portray Hope. Faith. Love in everyday life.

I sat for my first law exam yesterday and honestly it was a total disaster. For the first time, my brain shut down on me and I was struggling to remember all I studied with great difficulty. Somehow, I just couldn't seem to concentrate and ran out of time...
Moral of the story: Don't do an all nighter and sleep before an exam!

Well, I got really depressed. I know it was my own fault because of failing to give it all I have in the time that was given to me. So all I could do was break down and regret about everything...

Anyway thanks to Steph Lau who sent me a seriously hilarious email!!! It cheered me up a big deal.

Well this morning, I received an email from my Dad about a blog post he has written...
Honestly, it made me cry...cry really really long!!!
And I want to share it with you. I know many of you do not know a lot about my past history and my family. So here goes a post from my Dad's blog: http://cherubim77.blogspot.com/2009/10/as-father-misses-his-son.html

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As a Father misses his Son

When I read again the post I wrote on "A Father's Love for his Son" based on the Father-Son relationship in John's Gospel, I came to the last paragraph that it was meant as a farewell to my son leaving home at the age of 16 to pursue his education in New Zealand. It's almost three years since my son went to Dunedin to study at Otago Boys' High School and now he is sitting for his final exams at Otago University.

I spoke to my son yesterday over skype and I could sense his disappointment over his first exam. If I could turn back time, perhaps I would not have sent my son away so early, after Form 4. He is still my little boy and now he is grown up, a young adult.

To be called into the ministry since 1994, it has not been easy for my family. My wife and my son have never had an easy life, constantly on the move. When my son was 2 years old, we went to Auckland for my first theological degree. After graduating I was posted for my first ministry in a village in the interior of Borneo (Sabah). My son was only four then. There was no electricity and it was really hot in the afternoon though the village, Melangkap was near the foot of Mount Kinabalu, the tallest peak in South East Asia (13,455 ft). We only ate fresh food once a week as there was no refridgerator, but I was never more healthy the whole year I was there.

After a year, we moved back to the city (Kota Kinabalu) and my son had to re-adjust and went to Kindergarden for a year before entering Primary One. Most of his friends would have 3 years of Pre-School and Kindergarden before starting formal primary education. I was elected Treasurer-General of my denomination and hence, the move back to the city. We lived in a small room on the ground floor of the Headquarters of SIB (my office was upstairs) and the room had its window shut tight and there was only one double bed for three of us. After six months, when the finances improved (I was the Treasurer) we moved out and rented an apartment nearby. I had to show example of frugality and make sure others' needs were looked after first before my own family. Again my family suffered as a result of my ministry and my convictions. I could have used my authority and since I was the main fund raiser, I could easily justify looking after my family's interests. But I waited until the finances became more stable. For the first year, I bought two good second hand cars for my colleagues (President and Vice-President) and only later in the second year when another car was purchased for the President, I had the use of a second-hand car. I remember driving the HQ's old van to Telupid twice in 1996. The driver's seat cushion was all worn off and I could see the wiring or iron welding underneath. Telupid from KK takes 4 hours. Talk about a sore bottom! And then having to preach five times over the week-end.

But never did my family complain. I had to lead by example not only as father and husband but as a leader of my denomination, having charge of the budget and finances for about 16 HQ staff, 30 evangelists, 16 lecturers in 3 Bible Colleges, operating expenses and overseeing the building of 30 or 40 churches every year. Together with the building fund, the annual budget could be anywhere between RM 2 to 3 million ringgit. And I was paid RM 1,000 a month for 3 years, no pay rise but pay cut sometimes when we faced financial difficulty. Again, my philosophy was to take a paycut first with my 3 executives before the salaries of other staff were cut. We did that only twice in three years, and everytime it was done it was later reimbursed when the finances came in. There were times that I just fell on my knees before God in my office or in my bed-room and sought His blessings for the church and the work of the ministry and mission of my denomination.

I will be the first to admit that I am no perfect husband, father and church leader. I have many faults and weaknesses. My wife has to bear with me. What a longsuffering spouse! But my son never once complained while growing up. I told him time and time again, "Blessed are you poor for yours is the kingdom of God" (Luke 6:20). He is a dear son to me, my only one, the apple of my eye, my beloved son. Even if he fails in all his exams, it matters not a bit; even if he can't get a stable job in the future, he knows his father will care for him, by God's grace.

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I realised the only reason I wanted to do law was that I could one day sue doctors and churches. My heart wasn't in the right place. I remember arguing to my dad about how useless it is to be selfless and help society where in the end all they would do is step on you and just throw you out after making full use of you.

I realised that is what exactly Jesus did for us. He came down for us sinners who did not deserve such love and grace! He was beaten down, stepped upon, spitted on and crucified by the very people he sacrificed for and the most incredible thing is Jesus never fought back. He could have called down angels to destroy all those who were mistreating him but he didn't. Honestly, such love is amazing.

That is why I cried so much, I was so carried away with the easy life I am living now. So caught up by the easy life, I forgot what it is like to be fighting hard or living passionately for a cause.
My Dad sacrificed so much and until now I couldn't understand why he would sacrifice so much...and I did not want to make that painful sacrifice!

I realised he was following the example Jesus set. To give everything he had to a community without expecting anything in return. I realised in every church and hospital, there will always be a bunch of problematic idiots but that should not deter someone from giving their best besides the opposition. Actually, when I think about it, my Dad was loved so much.

I remember how the Indonesian maids in the church would make cakes for my Dad and give a really big offering to my Dad thanking him for the service in church! It was like 1/3 of their salary and they earn basically peanuts! What a sacrifice! Imagine me not even being able to donate 10% of my allowance.
I remember how my mum used to send a mother with a few small kids home who had to wake up at 6 just to take 3 different buses to make it to church and hear my Dad preach. What commitment. Imagine me not being able to wake up at 7.30 because church was 5 minutes drive away from home.
I remember the last time my Dad preached, he spoke with such conviction and love. It was so powerful as it seemed the whole church came in front of the altar to be prayed by my dad a final time. I was crying so hard that time with so many people that my Dad had to leave.

Why did he leave?
It was because of me. So he could support my education and support my mum's healthcare.

And all I ever thought of is to one day tear down the very foundation he was building upon and forget about the people who really matter. One day in 20 years time, I could either be a rich selfish powerful bugger who cares only for himself while waging a war of revenge or I could be a humble kind bugger who carried on my Dad's vision for the people of Sabah and help them break the cycle of poverty, hate and mistrust.

I realised I am not a teenager anymore. I am going to turn 20 in 10 months and it is time for me to grow up. Hahaha, I wouldn't want my dad to support me because I am a failure...such a waste of potential...

I know this time I have failed. But the true key of success is to be able to come back up from failure and keep trying! So yea, Cyrus Siew! SUIT UP AND GET LEGENDARY!

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P/s Sorry for the super long blog post! Just felt like letting out a lot of anguish...
P/s 2 A public apology to someone...Remember always 31128!
P/s 3 ALL THE BEST FOR ALL MY FRIENDS IN UNI WHO ARE HAVING EXAMS!
I hope this encourages you to keep working for exams! =)



An old photo.... =D


Last service my Dad preached! Spot my Dad! =D
It was such a service!


Parents!


Dad....


Me and Dad for my 16th Bday! 3 years ago! wooootsssssss