Hope. Faith. Love.

Happy Chinese New Year Guys! I'm back for real.

2012-01-23T18:10:00.002+08:00

I realised I have kept this blog private for nearly 2 years and my last post was in may 2010? I apologise for disappearing for so long.

I just finished an exam on friday, a 10% test and 20% assignment today so I feel like a big weight off my shoulder and decide to share my "happiness" with you all!

First of all, Gong Xi Fa Cai Guys! I was suppose to be in kk until CNY but sadly I had to go back earlier. Next year for sure! I have also gone back to read all my past posts and realised I was one
happy bugger. Haha, not that I'm not now, just more serious maybe. (feel free to explore my older writings, they are quite "interesting")

Well to update people on my life, I am currently in NZ, doing a summer school paper on effective writing. You might wonder why I'm taking this paper but to be honest I feel my writing has deteriorated so much to the point I feel I'm writing junk.

ON the bright side, the lecturer is really nice and funny! I met him a few times and hes always like Cyrus you got to practice! Write everyday! You got to express yourself! (How funny the last time I actually wrote about myself was one and a half years ago)

So! I have actually written a really long post as a grand re-opening of my blog but I'll leave it to another day! I just want to share with everyone my New Year Resolution for 2012! So you all can keep me accountable. *winks*
I remember writing up a super long 15 point, 2011 resolutions and I don't think I achieve any (lol) so I'll keep this one short and simple!

1. GAIN WEIGHT! (Target 65-70 kgs) (Weigh in 31st Dec 2012)
2. GRADUATE WITH FLYING COLOURS (B+ average considered as flying)
3. LESS COMPUTER or PHONE GAMING (Less on weekdays more on weekends?)
4. ONE BLOG POST A WEEK! (Even just a sentence would do)
5. PARTY MORE AND LEAVE! (Lol jk but I want to be more outgoing this year and hopefully I can leave a mark to be remembered before I go back KK to work)

I have so many things I actually want to write about. My holiday in KK, my hopes and dreams for the future, on love and relationship, on God and religion etc yet once again I'll leave my thoughts to next week!

Just before I write off, I realised some people have deleted me off facebook. Who does that lol?
I somehow dont feel I deserve that, maybe I do but yea, thats just cruel. Haha, honestly I realised
that I'm not as close with many people as I was before. I feel it is bad that I think I have only 2 friends in NZ (not including gf) I can share more intimate issues and one won't be around this year. (Matt and Anne)(Why you leaving me Matt???)

Well instead of me moping or being dejected over it, I'm just going to try be a better friend this
year to people around me. It's my final year and I really want to make it count. I'm really sorry
if I have not been as sociable or fun last year but this year I want to be someone you can call in the middle of the night and I'll be there for you. =)

AND I'll be updating every week! (i'll try my hardest) SO please visit this "LONELY BLOG" and
leave feedback! Or just facebook message me ya! Cheers. Love you all that reads this! Even
if you deleted me off facebook! =D

HOPE

2010-05-21T15:58:00.003+08:00

*This is going to be a super long blog post, just an accumulation of feelings held inside for many months. So read it only if you have time to waste! Reflect on it too!*
This year has started really badly for me, I have lost love, lost friends, lost my temper so badly I nearly broke down a door, got stranded in the airport, computer and hardrive broke down losing all the memories I had since 2005, (this is definitely the most depressing), lost money and spent money because of stupid reasons, hating the course I am doing right now and many other circumstances that has left me totally depressed and unable to do much to change them.

I have entered the year 2010 with a hope that great things will finally happen. 10 has always been my most favourite number and somehow I had this expectation that God was preparing me for an awesome 2010. Nearly half a year has passed and the circumstances that has occured has left me wondering whether this year is actually meant for great things.

So many unexpected circumstances has happened these past few months that has left the confident me utterly defeated. This year I had only one resolution, rely not on my own strength but on God's strength. Sometimes it is so difficult because I prefer to continue to live life chasing after the fleeting desires of the flesh. I prefer to stay in my comfort zone and not work on my weaknesses. Most of all, I like to do things with my own abilities and capabilities. Often we only put God in the picture during our tough times when we cry out to God to make things better.

There are so many things that I am yet still to understand. I remember visiting a village church with my parents in the last holidays to only find out a young youth leader passed away leaving a wife and two very small kids. I was devastated because he was poor, he could not get the best possible treatment to save his life. The harsh condition of our society gives only the best chance of survival to those who have money. Where was God in this? He spent his whole life dedicated to a Godly calling only to lose his life because of the injustice of our whole welfare system. I remember, the church being so poor that the house they built for guests was not completed as they slowly gathered money to build windows and fix doors one step at a time. I remember giving my last remaining nz dollar to the worship leader so that he could just have enough to buy an acoustic guitar for the church to play during Christmas. It was the hardest thing to do to give up that money but I was convicted to know that even though I was low on cash, there were many others who are much more in need than I was. Somehow I know that village, that single mum will survive...because they have hope....

I am not writing this to discourage anyone. I am not writing this so that you may have doubts. Even though I am going through a tough time, I have never felt more at peace with the circumstances around me. So many times I was given the choice, TRUST or DENY God. Everytime I tried denying and running away from God, I fall deeper and deeper into a vacuum of grief and disatisfaction. Everytime I trust, I find that I have more than enough joy to endure even the most raging storms.

When my sister passed away, I thought God was punishing me and I ran away from everyone and even God. I have only truly forgiven myself and let go of the guilt last year during Elim camp 09. For the first time I understood what God's grace was. Last year, I learnt about grace.

THIS YEAR, I realised I am learning so much about HOPE. What is hope? Wikipedia states that hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

To me, hope is just having the joy to continue living through even the darkest times in life.

Looking at all my circumstances, I realised that many others go through even harder times than myself. But how all of us deal with it is different. The difference is that some might go through a rough time but still have to joy to say that everything will be fine in the end and continue believing so.

I realised the year 2010 is not about great things happening. It is about living a lifestyle of HOPE. Through the hard times, not only having hope for myself but being able to infect others with this hope is in itself a great thing to do. I want to grow up. I want to have hope and most importantly I want to spread that hope. I know the person I am now is not suitable or geared to be someone of bright hope. I have so many flaws that I am still not willing to let go and I know all the tough times I am going through is preparing me to learn to be someone of hope.

I make mistakes. I'm only human. Yet to those who kept believing in me, I want to say thank you. I guess somehow that is when we know who are our true friends are, those who still stand by you even though you make the worst of mistakes. I am really doing my best to learn to be more forgiving, less judgmental, and to believe in the best of others. I want to have faith in you.

Let us have hope.
"United We Stand, Divided We Fall"

Are we going to be divided now? Are we going to let our emotions break relationships? Are we going to have grudges that tear down the foundations of our love? Are we going to be judgmental and destroy the faith we have in others? In the end, are we going to let the devil take away our joy and break apart our church? If we are not united, how can we be an example to others?

We are going to continue making mistakes, there's no doubt about that. Right at this moment, I am praying for forgiveness for the careless words I spoke out today. But let us not judge, let us stop gossiping, and most importantly let us support each other through the mistakes that we have done or yet to do.

Let us stand united and have hope. Great things are already happening. I realised now that as all of us grow to a new level, that in itself is an awesome sight to behold.

Don't give up on each other. =)

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

FINALLY, just want to mention my thanks to the various people who made my life better this year! =)

My flatmates.
Jimmy: Always so insightful about different life issues and so funny about it at times! Always brighten my day with his quick wit and humour! Cyrus likes little boys huh? haha...
Carol: A great servant heart. Especially to serve others before herself. Always caring, always supportive, always loving. Your kindness will always remind me to be kind to others. Your sincere care for others is an inspiration to me.
Joel: Haha, a very resourceful guy. Helped saved my computer once from the dead and gave me a free heater. Always willing to lend a hand when needed. Thanks.

No matter what, you guys will always have the honour of being my first flatmates and know that I really had a great time with each one of you. =)

Lifegroup guys.
Matthew Foo: An awesome brother to me in tough times. Always so positive in his outlook in life and always so willing to believe in the best of others. Thank God that someone like you exist to help me out and so supportive in any circumstances. Feel bad for relying on you too much sometimes. Sorry that if it seems we don't spend as much time as last year but know I love you lots! (not gay okay) And to others who stereotype people like me and matt, you got it all wrong. Get to know us more and find that we are so much more than meets the eye and the gossip that follows us around.
Nic, Davence: Been a great help with your helpful insights, humility and passion to serve God.
Always so faithful and willing to learn. Really pumped out to see all of us grow as a group and just move mountains together.

Steph Lau: My boyfriend's wife. Lol, always fun to talk to you especially since I can relate well to certain situations better with you. Haha, we are very "innocent" as we like to say but great to get to know you more, talk about issues or topics normal people wouldn't talk about, and especially share info that the average person will probably shiver to hear. We must hang out more! Can't leave just yet k without doing more stuff together!

Dennis, Ben Cheong: Mentors who have been influential in shaping me. Though contact is much less this year, I still look up to you both and believe your continued presence will keep molding me to become a much better person. Thanks for keeping me accountable. Always so encouraging and always so passionate. In every way I will support you guys as you have supported me in my dark times.

Su'rynn: Connect boss! Been a pleasure working with you these past few months. I think you're pretty cool but gullible. Definitely someone awesome to be around with. Hope you can stay longer ya.

Sylvia: Great friend. Always supportive and Always mean to me. Haha, just kidding. I know your heart is pure and you always think of others before yourself. Your heart to creatively make things happen for others is truly a virtue worth acknowledging. I still feel bad that I wasn't fully there for your 21st but know that somehow I will make it up to you ya! Don't give up and know I got your back. Never forget our Chandelier connection!

Anne: My partner in crime. Lol, Always a pleasure to hang out with you and gain a new perspective on life. Been a great one year getting to know you. Don't give up ya Anne! Because I believe that you can do amazing things even if it seem others don't. The time for study is now too! Badminton can wait. Thanks for always being around, you're a true Bff.

Eugene, Ginny: Whenever I called for help, these two will always be around. Enough said. Thanks for the encouragement you both have spoken into my life. Without you both, many things wouldn't have been possible.

Jacob: Always so helpful. Thanks for your advice and help whenever I needed it. Truly appreciate your inner kindness to me even though outside you're nasty to me. Hehe.
Adrian: Same goes to you. Always appreciate you and your family for helping me in a tough time! Always fun to hang out with you. Will sleepover again soon! Haha, keep growing man.

Jane Ho: My mui. I see you growing and it encourages me. Always keep the faith and believe in yourself. I know you are able because our God is able. Keep moving forward and dont look back!
Thank you for being around, always feel more comfortable with you.
--------------

Stef Ling: Been interesting to get to know you. Always really amusing to hear you with joel, ezra and fiona coming up with exotic conversations especially about food and totally random stuffs. Though I feel weird sometimes because I can't relate to the topics but I certainly enjoy hanging out and learning a different view and outlook on friendships and life.

Fiona Lau: The apple of my eye. Whenever I am with you, I feel the happiest. Somehow the worries and troubles I have seem to fade away whenever you're with me. It makes life so much bearable. I guess I am not meant to go through this year alone and you must be the angel sent from God to me and for that I'm so grateful. Thanks for standing by me. Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for being with me. =)

p/s After losing all my memories from 2006 after my computer crashed, (photos, chat logs, high school projects, letters, old blogpost from my deleted xanga blog, etc) I realised it is finally time to move on and start again! Rebuild new memories! =)

I realised Dunedin has become my second home. It took a lot to let go of my past but you guys made it possible. All of you mean so much to me and I just want to say I love you all and even though often I won't understand the situation or know what to do and say, know this: I will be standing and supporting you guys all the way. =)

Stop complaining, shut up, be still and have hope. =)

Elim International Camp 2010
Love you all!

Sylvia's 21st. Good friends!

=D Complicated family...

Bffs. =D

--------------------------------------------------------

Word For Today.
Monday 22nd March

In 1914, Sir Ernest Shackleton attempted the first land crossing of Antartica. But his ship, Endurance, got stuck in ice and was crushed. Shackleton and his 27-member crew were stranded 1900km from civilisation, drifting on ice floes with just three rickety lifeboats, a few tents and limited provisions. Eventually they reached a small island and waited while Shackleton and a handful of men took one of the lifeboats 1300km over tumultuous seas to a whaling station. Shackleton returned with a rescue ship, and every man survived the 18-month ordeal.

How did he keep everybody's hopes alive?
First, he modelled optimism. Shackleton, who described optimism as "true moral courage," always believed that he and his crew would survive, and he spread that optimism to everyone around him.
Second, he nurtured their sense of significance. He kept everyone involved by seeking their opinions and giving them tasks that made them feel like they were part of the solution.
Third, he encouraged them. He used humour and promoted a light-hearted atmosphere. Shackleton recognised that under extreme pressure, the ability to lighten the mood neutralises fear and enables people to focus, re-energise, and prevail over daunting obstacles. Isn't it interesting that one of the few items Shackleton rescued from the sinking ship was a crewman's banjo? He did it so the group could have music.

Shackleton was a prime example of how one person can keep hope alive. If you know someone who's in the middle of a difficult trial, your words of kindness and love, your confidence in them, your ability to lighten their load, can keep hope alive.

Are you dating the right guy?

2009-10-27T05:32:00.005+08:00

This post is more for girls and a lesson for guys...

In legal history I learned the philosophy of "as if." It is the concept of finding out something by finding out what it is not.
For example, how would you find the right guy? One way is by having the knowledge of the wrong type of guys and eliminating them off your list.
I came across this interesting article in msn.com and I just felt like posting it up...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the sayings go, "the skies the limit" and "there are many fish in the sea". But, there are just some 'fish' that are going to cause you a real tummy ache if you eat them - so much more pain than pleasure. Here are a list of those you should be looking out for and steering clear off.

Do you find yourself constantly being let down by the men you date and bouncing between being single and in a relationship as often as Jessica Simpson? The problem isn't you; it's the men you're dating.
The holes in your dating sieve are currently bigger than the one we have in the ozone layer, and its allowing any man who shows you even the smallest morsel of attention into your life. You need to tighten the reins on your life and raising the dating bar. It's a huge experiment requiring lots of trial and error, but there are certain men who don't even deserve an ounce of your attention. And, once you know what to look for, it's not too hard to sift through the rest of the dating pool to find Mr Right.
But, until Mr Right does come along, here's a list of guys you should definitely banish from your list of potential options.

1# Mr Tin Heart

The emotionally unavailable man has been the pitfall of many single women. Yet, he's the easiest of the species to spot. So why do we get ourselves into such a mess with him when we usually know early on that it would sooner snow in Malaysia before you can get him to commit?
“These women really believe that they can change a man's mind about being with them, or they simply make themselves believe they can, because they feel like they have no other choice,” explains Sally Reeves* a relationship counselor.
There's usually a reason why these men can't commit. Your job isn't to figure out why that reason has come to be, but instead, if it's a reason that's actually good enough for you. If it is, then maybe you need to look at yourself and ask "why don't I find somebody who is ready for commitment?" says Susan Jeffers, author of 'Opening Our Hearts To Men.'

2# Playa

He's the perfect lover, makes you feel like you're the queen of his world and that he's perched you high above a pedestal away from any other woman in his sight. He's well-dressed, charming, witty, funny, and his manners are impeccable. He's out to make an impact on the women he makes, and he'll definitely make that impact on you...and every other woman that tickles his fancy.
Every woman will come across at least one of this kind in her lifetime, and while the charm and attention may be extremely flattering, don't be fooled. You know you'll be nursing a broken heart when he gets bored.

3# Mummy's Boy

In Western cultures, any 20 something year old man still living under his parent's roof would (almost literally) be laughed out of house and home. While the same concept cannot be applied here in Asia, it's not hard to spot a mummy's boy.
The signs aren't even subtle. He's always going to choose mum (or aunt or sister) over you. And while there may be times he's hesitant about making that decision, make no mistake, the end outcome will always be the same: Mum 1 - You 0.
What's worse, when things don't work out, he'll believe that the issues lay with you not trying hard enough to get along with his family.

4# Tan Sri Lambat (a.k.a. Sir Late-A-Lot)

Let's be honest here: the concept of 'Malaysian timing' is just an all too common excuse for us to be late. But the fact that we know there's going to be traffic, yet make no allowances for it, just says that we're being disrespectful. Same goes for a guy. If he knows he's made an appointment to meet you at a certain time, yet can't be bothered to plan around that accordingly, he's pretty much saying, "I'm unreliable, disorganised and I don't really respect your time."
“Every time you break a time promise there is a consequence and you are sending a subtle message to the person you stood up that they are less important than you or whatever you were doing” Karen Kawalec*, a behavioral specialist and counsellor from the UK. "Do this enough, and you’ll strain the relationship you have with this person for the long term. It also says that you aren’t responsible, reliable, or maybe even sincere and honest.”

5#Mr Office-Is-My-Home

We applaud men with ambition. We applaud their dreams and aspirations and seriously, that go-getter attitude is sexy! But there's a time and place for everyone, and no job needs to be worked at all day, every day.
On the plus side, the workaholic is always well-dressed with impeccable manners and an admirable knowledge of many things. He knows how to make you feel like a real lady. On the other hand, dinner dates (if they hadn't already been cancelled) will usually turn into a solo affair, with you picking at the food while he screams down the phone about some deal or the other.
However, we're not going to relegate all workaholics to the no-fly zone of dead beat men. You'll have to exercise some discretion, and patience, to sort through the ones you can deal with and the absolute no-hopers.

6# Mr Whiny

This guy's self-esteem has fallen so low, it's almost made friends with the Hobbits of middle Earth. But, he doesn't think it's his fault; it's always someone else's.
Maira*, a psychologist of 10 years says, “as an adult, pity becomes a burden. It's almost endearing for a child to be sucking its thumb and clutching a blanket. For an adult, well... you're not going win a whole lot of admiration among your peers! Pity disconnects you. It disconnects you from yourself, from other people, from your world, and from your own control.”
His constant belief that he is the victim means he's always seeking attention and becomes distressed when he feels he isn't getting what he needs. While some women's overpowering maternal instinct draws them to men like this, eventually, they will get tiring.

7# Mr Quick Trick

Admittedly, everyone lies. But, this lying leech has an excuse for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
At the start of your relationship, the fibs were subtle. You knew there was something not quite right about his explanation but he backed it up with something solid, so you let him get away with it. But, the more he gets away with, the bigger his lies get.
"It's like he couldn't help himself and was addicted to lying!" says Shauna* of her ex. "I used to believe him at first because they were just little things, but eventually, they became so frequent, and sometimes were even so ridiculous I actually felt embarrased for him!"

8# The Ex Texter

There's nothing wrong with being friends and keeping in touch with your ex, but too much contact can prove detrimental to future relationships.
“When you continue an emotional relationship with someone instead of letting go, you will usually have subconscious feelings for them or realise that the feelings never went away, which can be damaging to new or potential relationships,” Sally* says. “But, you get a rush from doing it and from hearing back, and it's naughty, yet safe in its own right."

9# The Game Boy

Nothing wrong with a man and his game console...unless he chooses it over you.
“In the broad sense, it’s (consoles) a substitute for social interaction, or just another outlet” explains Ken Lee*, who works in a computer games outlet. “Computer games represent an individual challenge for men and can be a way of relaxing.”
In a way, gaming to men is what shopping is to women - therapy. But, that doesn't mean we shop all the time. The absolute danger sign ladies, is when he calls in sick at work because (a) he didn't sleep the night before battling zombies or (b) he needs the day to advance to the next level. When that happens, either 'accidentally' trip and spill a mug of hot tea over the console, or, if you fear that may endanger your life lest he rage at you, just leave his keys by the door and leave. You'll be better off for doing it.

---------------------------------------------

Hahaha, reading this article actually gave me a wake up call. I could actually relate to all of the bad qualities stated up there...damn!
Well, I realised there is much room for improvement for me to be a better boyfriend one day...
Okay, let's do this!

Stay tune for my next post! I will share my ten qualities of my perfect spouse! =)

Humble Beginnings of Hope. Faith. Love.

2009-10-21T11:33:00.006+08:00

I was actually planning to make this an emo post...
But this morning I was received an email from Regina W about my blog helping her find the answers she needed and I realised that if I am unable to write something encouraging, I should not write anything at all. This blog as the title states above is meant to portray Hope. Faith. Love in everyday life.

I sat for my first law exam yesterday and honestly it was a total disaster. For the first time, my brain shut down on me and I was struggling to remember all I studied with great difficulty. Somehow, I just couldn't seem to concentrate and ran out of time...
Moral of the story: Don't do an all nighter and sleep before an exam!

Well, I got really depressed. I know it was my own fault because of failing to give it all I have in the time that was given to me. So all I could do was break down and regret about everything...

Anyway thanks to Steph Lau who sent me a seriously hilarious email!!! It cheered me up a big deal.

Well this morning, I received an email from my Dad about a blog post he has written...
Honestly, it made me cry...cry really really long!!!
And I want to share it with you. I know many of you do not know a lot about my past history and my family. So here goes a post from my Dad's blog: http://cherubim77.blogspot.com/2009/10/as-father-misses-his-son.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a Father misses his Son

When I read again the post I wrote on "A Father's Love for his Son" based on the Father-Son relationship in John's Gospel, I came to the last paragraph that it was meant as a farewell to my son leaving home at the age of 16 to pursue his education in New Zealand. It's almost three years since my son went to Dunedin to study at Otago Boys' High School and now he is sitting for his final exams at Otago University.

I spoke to my son yesterday over skype and I could sense his disappointment over his first exam. If I could turn back time, perhaps I would not have sent my son away so early, after Form 4. He is still my little boy and now he is grown up, a young adult.

To be called into the ministry since 1994, it has not been easy for my family. My wife and my son have never had an easy life, constantly on the move. When my son was 2 years old, we went to Auckland for my first theological degree. After graduating I was posted for my first ministry in a village in the interior of Borneo (Sabah). My son was only four then. There was no electricity and it was really hot in the afternoon though the village, Melangkap was near the foot of Mount Kinabalu, the tallest peak in South East Asia (13,455 ft). We only ate fresh food once a week as there was no refridgerator, but I was never more healthy the whole year I was there.

After a year, we moved back to the city (Kota Kinabalu) and my son had to re-adjust and went to Kindergarden for a year before entering Primary One. Most of his friends would have 3 years of Pre-School and Kindergarden before starting formal primary education. I was elected Treasurer-General of my denomination and hence, the move back to the city. We lived in a small room on the ground floor of the Headquarters of SIB (my office was upstairs) and the room had its window shut tight and there was only one double bed for three of us. After six months, when the finances improved (I was the Treasurer) we moved out and rented an apartment nearby. I had to show example of frugality and make sure others' needs were looked after first before my own family. Again my family suffered as a result of my ministry and my convictions. I could have used my authority and since I was the main fund raiser, I could easily justify looking after my family's interests. But I waited until the finances became more stable. For the first year, I bought two good second hand cars for my colleagues (President and Vice-President) and only later in the second year when another car was purchased for the President, I had the use of a second-hand car. I remember driving the HQ's old van to Telupid twice in 1996. The driver's seat cushion was all worn off and I could see the wiring or iron welding underneath. Telupid from KK takes 4 hours. Talk about a sore bottom! And then having to preach five times over the week-end.

But never did my family complain. I had to lead by example not only as father and husband but as a leader of my denomination, having charge of the budget and finances for about 16 HQ staff, 30 evangelists, 16 lecturers in 3 Bible Colleges, operating expenses and overseeing the building of 30 or 40 churches every year. Together with the building fund, the annual budget could be anywhere between RM 2 to 3 million ringgit. And I was paid RM 1,000 a month for 3 years, no pay rise but pay cut sometimes when we faced financial difficulty. Again, my philosophy was to take a paycut first with my 3 executives before the salaries of other staff were cut. We did that only twice in three years, and everytime it was done it was later reimbursed when the finances came in. There were times that I just fell on my knees before God in my office or in my bed-room and sought His blessings for the church and the work of the ministry and mission of my denomination.

I will be the first to admit that I am no perfect husband, father and church leader. I have many faults and weaknesses. My wife has to bear with me. What a longsuffering spouse! But my son never once complained while growing up. I told him time and time again, "Blessed are you poor for yours is the kingdom of God" (Luke 6:20). He is a dear son to me, my only one, the apple of my eye, my beloved son. Even if he fails in all his exams, it matters not a bit; even if he can't get a stable job in the future, he knows his father will care for him, by God's grace.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I realised the only reason I wanted to do law was that I could one day sue doctors and churches. My heart wasn't in the right place. I remember arguing to my dad about how useless it is to be selfless and help society where in the end all they would do is step on you and just throw you out after making full use of you.

I realised that is what exactly Jesus did for us. He came down for us sinners who did not deserve such love and grace! He was beaten down, stepped upon, spitted on and crucified by the very people he sacrificed for and the most incredible thing is Jesus never fought back. He could have called down angels to destroy all those who were mistreating him but he didn't. Honestly, such love is amazing.

That is why I cried so much, I was so carried away with the easy life I am living now. So caught up by the easy life, I forgot what it is like to be fighting hard or living passionately for a cause.
My Dad sacrificed so much and until now I couldn't understand why he would sacrifice so much...and I did not want to make that painful sacrifice!

I realised he was following the example Jesus set. To give everything he had to a community without expecting anything in return. I realised in every church and hospital, there will always be a bunch of problematic idiots but that should not deter someone from giving their best besides the opposition. Actually, when I think about it, my Dad was loved so much.

I remember how the Indonesian maids in the church would make cakes for my Dad and give a really big offering to my Dad thanking him for the service in church! It was like 1/3 of their salary and they earn basically peanuts! What a sacrifice! Imagine me not even being able to donate 10% of my allowance.
I remember how my mum used to send a mother with a few small kids home who had to wake up at 6 just to take 3 different buses to make it to church and hear my Dad preach. What commitment. Imagine me not being able to wake up at 7.30 because church was 5 minutes drive away from home.
I remember the last time my Dad preached, he spoke with such conviction and love. It was so powerful as it seemed the whole church came in front of the altar to be prayed by my dad a final time. I was crying so hard that time with so many people that my Dad had to leave.

Why did he leave?
It was because of me. So he could support my education and support my mum's healthcare.

And all I ever thought of is to one day tear down the very foundation he was building upon and forget about the people who really matter. One day in 20 years time, I could either be a rich selfish powerful bugger who cares only for himself while waging a war of revenge or I could be a humble kind bugger who carried on my Dad's vision for the people of Sabah and help them break the cycle of poverty, hate and mistrust.

I realised I am not a teenager anymore. I am going to turn 20 in 10 months and it is time for me to grow up. Hahaha, I wouldn't want my dad to support me because I am a failure...such a waste of potential...

I know this time I have failed. But the true key of success is to be able to come back up from failure and keep trying! So yea, Cyrus Siew! SUIT UP AND GET LEGENDARY!

-----------------

P/s Sorry for the super long blog post! Just felt like letting out a lot of anguish...
P/s 2 A public apology to someone...Remember always 31128!
P/s 3 ALL THE BEST FOR ALL MY FRIENDS IN UNI WHO ARE HAVING EXAMS!
I hope this encourages you to keep working for exams! =)

An old photo.... =D

Last service my Dad preached! Spot my Dad! =D
It was such a service!

Parents!

Dad....

Me and Dad for my 16th Bday! 3 years ago! wooootsssssss

A lesson in love from economics

2009-09-29T08:52:00.006+08:00

I have an economics test in 5 hours worth 25% and I somehow feel entitled to blog about some interesting topics I have learned in economics for the past few days!

Btw, I am not able to access fb and msn until my exams are over and luckily I still have my blog to communicate with the outside world! (This is seriously killing me!)

The first really eye catching concept I learned was "THE COMMITMENT PROBLEM WHEN SEARCH IS COSTLY"

Actually this consist of the economic problem of searching. (e.g flats, houses, jobs, employees, partner) And because this concept is quite long, I will just take the example that relates with finding a partner in a relationship.

----------------------------------------------------

Extract from page 322-23 of my Economics textbook (shorten for blog purposes)

When most people search for an apartment, they want a place to live not for just a month but for a year or more....
When most people search for mates, they are looking for someone with whom to settle down.

Because in all these cases search is costly, examining every possible option will never make sense. Apartment hunters don't visit every vacant apartment, nor do landlords interview every possible tenant. Job seekers don't visit every employer nor do employers interview every job seeker. And not even the most determined searcher can manage to date every eligible mate.

In these and other cases, people are rational to end their searches, even though they know a more attractive option surely exists out there somewhere.

But herein lies a difficulty. What happens when, by chance, a more attractive option comes along after the search has ceased? .....
Employers, job seekers, and people who are looking for mates would have similar reservations about entering relationships that could be terminated once a better option happened to come along.

(long paragraphs of explanation, let's skip them)

In most contexts, people solve this problem not by conducting an exhaustive search (which is usually impossible, in any event) but by COMMITTING THEMSELVES to remain in a relationship once a mutual agreement has been reached to terminate the search.

......

Entering into such commitments limits the freedom to pursue one's own interests. Yet most people freely accept such restrictions because they know the alternative is failure to solve the search problem.

-------------------------------------------------------------

How many of us have a commitment problem? Sometimes when I look deep inside myself, I find myself someone who has problems with commitment.

I know many people always say that God will pave a way for you to be with the one, the "best" one meant just for you. Yet I also believe in our weakness we can always mess up and miss out on the one person meant for us. Does it mean we have to settle for a second best?

I got this extract from a book, "Every young woman's battle" (Forgive me for trying to know more about the opposite gender, just so I can advise them better. I know some girls prefer not to read anyway so I'll read the books for them. =D )

------------------------------------------------------------

Many young men could qualify as your Mr. Right, but you get to choose which one you want to commit to. However, even if you do not choose wisely and marry Mr. Wrong, when you recite your wedding vows, he automatically becomes your Mr. Right. It's God's will that you be a committed wife to this man, through good times and bad, regardless of the character flaws that may surface down the road. If you're wise you'll enjoy the exploration season for many years so that you can truly discern the best match for you.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I have always wondered if my parents were a match for each other. I have always asked questions to myself of course, were my parents really made for each other and I realised the moment they were married, it is their commitment to be meant for each other. Cyrus Siew would never have existed if they were not huh?

I know the world today won't support this idea because their solution to a broken marriage is divorce. You can call me conservative but I really do not believe in divorce. It breaks all principles relating to what a true marriage should be like.

Anyway I should get back to studying so let us end with a conclusion. In one way or another, we will search for the one who we can finally settle down with.

In many circumstances, many of us may fear to commit in the possibility that it may be a wrong choice but that is what economics teaches us to do, to make the best possible choices face to face with scarcity (infinite human wants and needs in a world filled with limited resources).

To fear and not take a risk could mean an alternative where failure is the result.

I am not saying that we should rush into anything...I am just saying that when we make the choice to be with somebody...do your best to work things out!

I have not always been the best person to work things out with I know but I am really trying to change that aspect of my personality. In every way, I hope I do not see myself in the future, all alone without any potential partner because of my fear of commitment. =)

p/s I know I have left many questions unanswered, but in truth be told, you have to find your own answers. =)
p/s 2 I wanted to share another economic theory called disappearing political discourse. "The theory that people (politicians especially) who support a position may remain silent because speaking out would create a risk of being misunderstood. It is a very interesting theory about politics! Some other time k?
p/s 3 I also wanted to share about qualities that we should look for in a potential mate, next time next time! Stay tune!
p/s 4 If you would like to contact me, just email me.
cyrus_1990@hotmail.com (I'll do my best to reply yea)
+64211070059 (or text me. =D)

An eventful Sunday for the soul

2009-09-20T15:28:00.003+08:00

I was at church on Saturday night and Steph asked me to go to the hospital the next morning to help hospital patients go to church. I was feeling quite apprehensive to go at first and even said no until Steph was saying "It could be a patient's last chance to give their life to Christ!!!"
Me:"...."
My soft spot got hit right there and I said yes in the end. Man, Steph you shouldn't take advantage of my weakness!

So I woke up early once again. It was my third time waking up early (early for me) in a row this week and I was feeling quite proud of this achievement! (I have been having problems waking up early and seriously to be able to wake up before 8.30 is nearly impossible for me.)

Honestly, the real reason I did not want to go to the hospital is because I somehow have a hospital phobia. I have had bad experiences with hospitals and if I could avoid a trip to the hospital, I would do so at any cost.

So we arrived at the hospital and met up with other Elim friends. Those present were Ben, Stef, Steph, Yvette, Krystal, Esther, Jacob. I was looking around and I realised after being here for nearly 3 years, this is the first time I have entered the Dunedin Hospital. My first impression was, wow, so much better than Malaysian hospitals! (Private hospitals not included)

We were briefed on our task at hand and our job was to get wheelchairs and steer them to the patient's room and bring them down to the hospital chapel for service. The wheelchairs were ancient! It is not those modern ones and steering one of them was a real challenge. As I was steering up one for my first patient, I was steadily thinking "What am I getting myself into!!!"

Well to cut the story short, I managed to get down three patients on those ancient wheelchairs with just one minor accident. I did not manage to smoothly pass a tight opening. It was such an unnerving experience! So Sorry!!!
Honestly, it was not as easy as I thought it was steering those ancient wheelchairs!

So after that, I was seated beside two patients and went through quite a unique Sunday Service.
We sang a few hymns, prayed the Lord's prayer and had communion and listened to a sermon by the chaplain.

The first patient I sent back was the one I had a slight accident. He had a tough operation according to the nurse so I was feeling a bit apprehensive about things and fearful I would make him feel uncomfortable but he warmed up slightly more to me and even said I'll stay for coffee if you do. In the end he had coffee and I didn't.
He seemed really sad as I sent him back and I just thought about the life experiences he must have gone through and how hard it was to be in the situation he is and still have the faith to believe in God. I'll pray for u!

A funny event happened when I was steering an old patient back to his room. He was really happy about the service because he enjoyed the hymns, sermon, fellowship and was in high spirits. As he left the wheelchair, he gave me a dollar and said thanks so much for everything my boy!
At that time, I felt really bad to accept it but on the other hand it would also be an insult to reject his blessing. In a way, he kinda made my day by giving a small sign of appreciation of what we all we doing. =)

Being in the hospital for 2 and a half hours with many old patients made me think a lot.
I thought about how Malaysian public hospitals should have something like this.
I thought about how Malaysian public nurses should treat the patients as well as the nurses I saw.
I thought about the 3 patients I had a chance to listen to. How different they were, how all of them wanted to go church for different reasons.
I thought about all the patients who came to the service, mostly old people, some in beds, some in wheelchairs, some who walked and thought about their faith to go to church even in such sick situations. I wondered what was the reason behind each of their determination to be there that day.
I thought about home and how I used to have such burning hatred for hospitals, nurses, and doctors.
I thought about how blessed we are that we have still a long life ahead and about how we should really live each day as it was our last.
I thought about how we Christians should really do this more often because it really tests if we are really willing to show love to our neighbours.
I thought about those people who do this everyday and how great their sacrifice must be.

To all future doctors and nurses, dealing with sick people seems easy but treating them as well as you would treat yourself is definitely a challenge and I believe you really need a firm and passionate calling for these professions.

---------------

Right now, it is exactly one month to my Laws101A exam. Honestly I have no confidence at all about getting into second year law. I am even considering doing it again next year! *Noooo Cyruss!!! Don't even think about it!!!*

But yea I am determined to make the best of my last four weeks.
If I make it, it is really not by my own strength or intelligence...
If I don't, well that's the consequences of being lazy and I have to pay for it...

You might think I am a happy go lucky person and I definitely am but just wait until you get me worked up and furious. Be ready to experience fire like you have never experienced!
Don't play with sleeping fire.
=D

Wanna write so much more but I have to go do some work!
I won't blog for awhile probably except special cases so yea, come visit my blog again maybe after 3rd of Nov? (Last exam!)
Pray for me too! Really need all the motivation and encouragement to do law.
And for friends, please encourage me instead of telling me I'm too lazy and will never do work, it is really disheartening ya know!
I know I'm lazy, don't have to remind me! Sometimes sarcasm kills! That is why I am trying to encourage everyone else and not be sarcastic they can't do work too!
I believe in you guys!
LETS DO THIS!
=)
Let us prove those cynics wrong! come on come on!
-------------------------------------------------------

Be Careful What You Say

2009-09-10T11:28:00.006+08:00

Surprisingly I fell sick yesterday, just sneezing a lot with a sudden blocked and runny nose. Somehow being sick made me think a lot and I was thinking about the state of my character now. I feel I have become once again very proud and careless with my words.

I read this devotion from the Word for Today and it was a good reminder for me to be careful with my words. I have been struggling a lot and I guess this is one flaw I am trying to work on.

Here is the devotion: Word for Today, 9th Sept 09

Careless words can hurt people. Not only can they influence a person's self-worth, they can actually shape that person's destiny. If you doubt that, consider these two stories:

1) One day in a small country church an altar boy accidentally dropped the communion wine. The officiating priest slapped him and shouted, "Leave, and don't come back!" That boy became General Tito, the brutal communist dictator who ruled the people of Yugoslavia for years.

2) In a big city cathedral another altar boy dropped the communion wine. His bishop turned to him and whispered reassuringly, "It's okay, some day you'll be a great priest." That boy became Archbishop Fulton Sheen, whose sermons touched the hearts of millions on national television.

Your words either build people up or tear them down. Solomon said, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12:18 NIV). Here's a truth we don't like to acknowledge; what comes out of our lips reveals what's in our heart, and our "I didn't mean it" doesn't change that or undo the damage.

Eugene Petersen writes: "Every day I put love on the line. There's nothing I am less good at. I am far better in competition than love; far better at responding to my instincts to get ahead, than at figuring out how to love another. I'm schooled and trained in getting my own way. And yet I decide every day to set aside what I do best, and attempt to do what I do very clumsily - open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride."

(Daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride. Amen)

-------------------------------

I miss home. My dad called me this morning asking me whether I still wanna come home. 4 weeks in KK and 2 weeks in Singapore before summer school! I do want to return....but I am not ready...just so not ready.

Well, I hope this devotion helped encouraged everyone to be careful with their words!

New Resolution of the week: "Refrain from making negative comments, critical or hurtful comebacks!"
p/s Not including bffs though...

Man it is going to be so hard not to reply to snide comments or remarks but I have to try!
I have to stop lying to myself that harsh comments won't hurt anyone or "they would understand it is just a joke theory." In truth, no matter what it is, it still hurts and it puts people down.

Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

God help me!

Feeling like this now....

I am thinking to get another bald haircut!!! What do you think??? *grins*

Spring has finally arrived! Life is short and fragile. We do not know when it is our time to die so before that live each day as it was your last! =)

Blessings From A Friend

2009-09-04T12:23:00.007+08:00

I don’t really remember the first time I met you but somehow I do know I felt you were quite an arrogant guy.

Yet I realised after I got to know you better that your outer personality is just a mask, a form of self defense against the bad people that could affect you and your dreams.

Your true self was in fact an angel in disguise.

A true friend like no other.

I guess even right now, you would be guessing I am too lazy to write this! BUT I am proving you wrong, aint I old friend?

So here goes: memoirs of our time together! Just you and me! (I know it sounds really gay and I should really be doing this for a girl of my dreams instead but oh well, you are an exceptional friend)

Well, I was not sure how to do this, because there are a lot of memories I want to share but here are some of the times that are etched in my mind. The lessons I have learnt from you.

So before that, I should actually tell you my story, my past. The real me you never saw.

All you had to know about me was just this emo looking Malaysian dude who was a pain in the ass, seemingly charming with the ladies and also a super lazy bum but as terrible as I was, I never failed to be a good friend right? (Well not every time but when it counted I was there for you, I hope)

Thanks for accepting me for who I am at that time without any knowledge of who I was or could be. =)

Well I was once a guy who had high ambitions for himself. He reached the peak of his high school career. He had everything but he was not satisfied. He was obsessed with becoming the best there is…until one day he lost someone precious…

He could not forgive himself. To gain everything but to lose the one thing that is important.

I guess you could say that I came to NZ to redeem myself or maybe punish myself. To find a new hope that I could one day forgive myself for chasing after success but forgetting that love was more important.

A path to redemption and you were someone who helped me find myself back.

Haha, truly I was the biggest bum and emo kid you met but there were reasons for them.

Well, I know you were really reluctant to let me come stay with you. A person like me would have held you back from your dreams but somehow I think it was destiny that led us together. Well, you did get into LSE now right? And I really sincerely hope that as a friend I helped you in everyway I could for you to succeed. Thanks for letting me stay because life became a lot better when I stayed with you.

For one year and a half living in the hostel with hostile mates was quite a tough experience for me. I was strong to be the only Asian that could still survive staying with them but you won’t believe how many billion times I really wanted to leave all these assholes behind. Sometimes I felt it was my punishment for my sins…

Anyway, after moving in…I found my home in a new church…felt peace that I have not felt in one and a half years…

And you were the best roommate anyone could ever ask for. I know we always argued about every little small thing and you got to know me for all my bad habits that only people living with me could ever know!

But it was an awesome time. All the movie outings, arguments about movies, food, money, RELIGION and all the stories of our home miles away…Man you always disturbed me every night and come up with such random topics but it was all cool man, love listening to your stories. The cooking times, fighting over food times…

Just hanging out actually was a medicine to my soul that was lost in the search for purpose.

In the end, you taught me to become a better person, a better Christian. Weird for someone who does not share the same religion as me. =)

Part 1

Remember we were at Roslyn one day? We met two drug addict guys who kept trying to ask us for stuff. I remember we kept ignoring them until after we bought food, I walked home but as I turned back I saw you being held back by them.

Honestly, at that time I had a lot of money and some important stuff with me and instead of going back to help I walked home faster. I felt really ashamed that I abandoned you there because if there was trouble we could easily take them on.

I remember texting you if you were alright and luckily they only took a bit of cash off you and not your expensive watch.

I remember you telling me that it was good I left if not there might have been more trouble.

Honestly, at that time I felt bad as a friend to leave you but instead you made me feel better saying it was no use even if we were to fight back in the end. You protected me even when I didn’t deserve it. Thank you.

You were a much wiser guy than I could ever be.

Part 2

It was your birthday and I kind of forgot about it! Damn, such a bad friend! Anyway at that time I remember instead of having a birthday celebration you brought me to a place to donate money to two charities. Honestly, I was really touched because not many let me rephrase that, NO ONE at your age would do that. To sacrifice a good dinner with mates to donate for a good cause is one of the best birthday gifts you could give. All the more you taught me the spirit of giving and not receiving during your own birthday.

You told me that it wasn’t much, that $50.

I truly believe your donation saved someone’s life. Even though no one else knows your contributions, God sees your heart and your sacrifice will not go for waste.

Part 3

As a prefect in Otago Boys, I remember there were a few people who were not happy with you as a prefect. They were even telling me that it was better if I got it.

THEY WERE WRONG!

You made a much better prefect than me and a MUCH BETTER ONE THAN THE REST!

I remember the way you treated the junior class you were assigned to. You made an effort to treat them well, find activities and games for them to do. You bought prizes for them and in the end you bought them a lot of food to celebrate with them. All the other prefects didn’t even bother with their class. You gained the respect of the younger ones much more than anyone else or I could ever have.

You made an effort to do your duty well and that in itself made you a much better man.

Part 4

Well I could go on about many other things. I remember you making the pizzas when we were on duty for food in economics. I remember you helping me cook for my friends when they came and sleep over. I remember all the movies! I remember all the shopping sprees! Remember the times we go to the field and play random sports and made up new type of games?

Honestly, with everything that has happened in Thailand, it has become a bad reputation for Thai. If I have not met you, I would have felt the same prejudice and dislike for Thai people and thought badly about your people. Yet you helped changed my mindset and if one day I were to help a Thai person in need, it would be because I had a Thai friend who changed my life.

Conclusion…

Well, I could write about so much more but it would just be tiring to read them all so I will end it with this paragraph. Thank you, Karn for being an awesome friend. I really do hope that I have done my best as a friend for you. I really do hope that the essay I helped you produce was a factor in helping you achieving your dreams.

There are always two types of friends, those who try stopping you from achieving your dreams or those who support you all the way to success. I do hope that I was that kind of friend.

You are finally leaving to London in a day! To the most prestigious business school in the world, London School of Economics where my uncle once went! I am sorry I could not chase after the same dream as you. Maybe one day I might come for masters!

I just wish you all the best with your studies. Make the RIGHT friends okay? (Be nice to the Malaysians yea, talk about me!) Study hard play hard! Love life and never give up! I will watch your success with a grin on my face. Keep losing weight!!!!

Always stay true to your quote: For the People of Thailand. It is time for Thailand to have a good leader to lead them to better economic success.

Find a good girl and settle down too! Make sure she will support you in your dreams because that is the most important factor. With similar visions the both of you could make a really huge impact!

That is all for now my dear friend. Until next time when we meet again.

We will be friends always.

Paintball!

Green curry dinner!

Year 13 Formal

Last day of school

Adventures with Tat

Before Stats tutorial, still eating!!!

Contemplating dreams =)

P/S This is your birthday gift yea! I made this public as a reminder to everyone the power of friendships.

A Loving Father

2009-08-19T20:11:00.004+08:00

Extract from Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Team_Hoyt

Team Hoyt is a father (Dick Hoyt, b. ca. 1940) and son (Rick Hoyt, born January 10, 1962) from Massachusetts who compete together in marathons, triathlons, and other athletic endeavors. Rick has cerebral palsy, caused by loss of oxygen to his brain at birth because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.

Dick pulls his son Rick in a special boat as they swim, carries him in a special seat up front as they bike, and pushes him in a special wheelchair as they run.

Doctors told his parents that Rick would live in a vegatative state, but his parents, with the help of Tufts University engineers, recognized that his sense of humor indicated intelligence. At the age of 12, Rick was able to learn how to use a special computer to communicate using movements from his head. The first words he typed were, "Go Bruins!", and the family learned he was a sports fan. They entered their first race in 1977, a 5 mile benefit run for an injured lacrosse player who was a schoolmate of Rick's.

Dick is a retired Lieutenant Colonel in the Air National Guard. Rick earned a college degree from Boston University in special education, and now works at Boston College. They continue to compete in races, and are also motivational speakers.

As of August 31, 2008, Team Hoyt had participated in a total of 984 events, including 229 Triathlons (6 of which were Ironman competitions), 20 Duathlons, and 66 Marathons, including 26 Boston Marathons.^[1] They have also biked and run across the USA, in 1992 — a 3,735 mile journey that took them 45 days.

When asked what one thing Rick wished he could give his father, his reply was "The thing I'd most like is that my dad would sit in the chair and I would push him once."

Watch the youtube video of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flRvsO8m_KI&NR=1

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

When I watched this video and read more about them in wikipedia, I was blown away. I actually cried...The father's love for his son is just so amazing! One day, hopefully I can love like that. =)

It is a good reminder that our problems are sometimes really petty and small comparing to how much other people suffer. We are really blessed to have so much!

So stop complaining and start looking at the positive side of life! =)

Unanswered prayers protects...breaks...deepens...and transforms!

2009-07-31T05:20:00.002+08:00

I woke up early today troubled by a lot of worries. I was praying and I read this devotion from Word for Today, 31st July 2009.
-----------------------------------

Pastor Jerry Sittser writes: "What would happen if all our prayers were answered? I thought about my early years when I was ready to conquer the world, with or without Christ. The group I led grew, I was riding a wave of success, everything I touched turned to gold. Eventually the ministry levelled off and lost momentum. Thank God it did...I'd become insufferably proud, a self appointed expert. What would've happened if my prayers had been answered, our group would have continued to grow and our programme continued to receive recognition?"
(Hahaha, I kind of felt that I have experienced this)

James says, "You ask but do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives." There are certain prayers God won't answer for your own good. Sittser continues: "Your cause may be right, but you may still be wrong; manifesting pride, gloating in victory, punishing wrongdoers with excessive severity and excusing sin. They fight for civil rights but treat...janitors like second-class citizens. They uphold standards of biblical sexuality but show little grace towards their spouse. Unanswered prayer is God's gift...it protects us from ourselves. If all our prayers were answered we'd abuse the power...use prayer to change the world to our liking, and it would become hell on earth. Like spoiled children with too many toys and too much money, we'd grab for more.

We'd pray for victory at the expense of others...intoxicated by power...we'd hurt people and exalt ourselves. Isaiah said, "The Lord longs to be gracious to you...therefore He waits..."
(Isa 30:18) Unanswered prayers protects...breaks...deepens...and transforms. Past unanswered prayers, which left us hurt and disillusioned, act like a refiner's fire to prepare us for future answer.

--------------------------------------

I have been learning a lot these past few weeks. Priceless lessons and even today I am bothered by the decisions I have to make. I hope everything turns out fine though.
=D

Love In Its Highest Form

2009-07-19T00:26:00.003+08:00

In Campus Life a young nurse tells of a patient called Eileen. A cerebral aneurysm had left her with no conscious control over her body. The doctors thought she was totally unconscious, unable to feel pain, unaware of anything going on around her. It was the hospital staff's job to turn her every hour to prevent bedsores, and to feed her twice a day through a stomach tube.

"When it's this bad," an older nurse told her, "You have to detach yourself emotionally." As a result Eileen came to be treated as a thing, a vegetable. But the young student nurse decided to treat her differently. She talked to Eileen, sang to her, and even brought her little gifts. One Thanksgiving Day she said to Eileen, "It was supposed to be my day off, but I couldn't miss seeing you on Thanksgiving. Just then the telephone rang. As the nurse turned to answer it she looked quickly back at the patient: "Eileen was looking at me… crying. Big damp circles stained her pillow." That was the only human emotion Eileen ever showed. But it was enough to change the attitude of the entire hospital staff toward her. Not long afterward Eileen died. The young nurse closes her story by saying "I keep thinking about her… I owe her an awful lot. Except for Eileen I might never have known what it's like to give myself to someone who can't give back."

Love, God's love, means giving to those who seem to have little or nothing to give back. It challenges the natural or innate selfishness in each of us and goes against our grain. But it's love in its highest form!

Since when has love been logical, rational or smart?

2009-07-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

I wrote this in facebook notes ages ago and just felt like posting it again! =D
Happy reading!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I got my title straight from a sentence off Virgil’s blog and something about his post is a great motivation for this note.

It has definitely been a while since I have put my thoughts to writing. I don’t think I have really written anything solid on relationships before. I have always thought love so complex, and like the wise Virgil mentioned “Since when has love been logical, rational and smart?”

Basically this is not about relationship in itself but how we react to the relationships around us. How many of us have disapproved of a relationship being started because we thought the guy/girl is a player or thinking they are rushing through things or just because of some form of misunderstanding?

I definitely have done so.

How many of us have lost friendships because of relationships?

I feel for you.

I am not saying it is wrong to advise our friends. We just have to be wise. It all comes back to love being so diverse and unique in the way that each one of us expresses it differently. What we feel or experience might not be what others face. Happiness is felt at different levels. Let me explain some scenarios.

1. Friend A likes Friend B but Friend B is unsure of him/her feelings and most probably do not have mutual feelings. Friend A decides that he will continue staying faithful to his feelings until the end?
2. Friend C is with Friend D. Other friends of Friend C felt that Friend D is controlling Friend C too much.
3. Friend E is going for Friend F who people seems to judge as a player.
4. Friend G and Friend H decide to be together even though their friends don’t support them because of a certain barrier. (slot barrier in here)

I have my opinions on each of these scenarios but did you know that the advice alone isn’t the most important part?

Support is.

Many friends have rejected my advice but does that mean I should be bitter about it? When things fail or don’t work out should I be the person adding salt and say “told you so!?”

No matter what our friends decide to do we have no right to fully judge the situation by ourselves. How can we know that Friend A will most likely get hurt by his one sided love? How can we know the extent of the relationship of Friend C and D, to us it may seem overboard but to C it may be C’s greatest joy! How can we be sure that F really is the person we think F is? Doesn’t F deserve to find love too?
Sometimes WE are the BIGGEST barriers to our friends’ relationships. Our negativity and piercing gossips!

“Hey, no matter what you decide to do my friend, I’ll be here supporting you. Even though I have my doubts and uneasiness with your situation, I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way when your relationship works out. If in any case it fails, I’ll be here to catch your fall and help you get back on your feet. That’s what friends are for.”

How many of you are willing to be that kind of friend?

All you have to do is to be less judgmental and more supportive.

Relationships won’t always work out the way you want them to that’s for sure but with support and encouragement, one step can go a long way, through happiness and grief.

*The scenarios are based on real experiences and gladly I have been proven wrong on more than one occasion and for that I am thankful. Remember love is always unpredictable and more complex than you could ever imagine.”

--------------------------------------------------

Well, I realised recently I have been quite judgmental lately and thankfully I have this note to remind me that as a friend, the best thing I can do is not to judge but to support. =)

IN THE END, there is only two outcomes to a relationship....
BREAK UP or GET MARRIED...

So please stop spreading hate gossip or thinking bad about someone if a friends' relationship does not work out.

They were just meant for somebody else.

I'm Back! =D

2009-07-03T12:30:00.002+08:00

Hello fellow readers!

Well, yea I know should really update everyone about what has been happening in my life.

First of all! My first semester in university is over!!!

How do I feel about my first semester in uni?
Well overall, it has been a blast!

Had some awesome times and some terrible times but yea, that is part of life right? The ups and downs mixed together! It is how we deal with the circumstances that arises is what makes all the difference right? Right Right Right?

I got my results back and I'm quite happy with it except for one paper. =(

Highlights of my first semester.

Crazy orientation week. (not involved though)
Elim International Easter Camp! (Really awesome camp, learned so much about Grace)
Elim International Cafe Service (Gave my testimony)
Lifegroup activities
Outings with friends
The boring university lectures
Sports! Finally active in table tennis again after so many years.

Well, I have one week of holiday left before my second semester commences and it will be one tough semester. I have to compete with nearly 800 students for 200 places for 2nd year law...

I am not sure I am capable but I will do my best!

Actually there is so many things I want to share about.......but just don't have the time to blog it out.....I feel like such a bum!

ANYWAY,
I had some time to do some thinking and just coming into terms with my own convictions about certain things...

I remember once upon a time, My Dad told me that no matter what, you should go to church at least once a week.
Honestly, that part of me struggled a lot during exams. It was a decision to go to church on a saturday night or skip it to gain a few extra hours of study.

I know many people would choose the few extra hours of study and I nearly did.

Yea, God won't love me any less or be angry with me if I skip church but I found that placing church as a priority above exams benefits me more.

Why? I struggle a lot with my studies. People always stereotype me as those smart types but honestly even I can fail if I don't put the effort in my work. I have failed accounting in year 12 in high school. I have also failed economics in year 13. AND I am doing a commerce degree lol, not so smart anymore am I?

I find it really hard to study and rather sleep than digest another hour of economics or finance or law. I really struggled this semester with studies. I remember going to church once during exam period and I felt so weary and beaten down. We had the song "healer" during worship and I just could not stop crying during when we sang the song.

I found peace and the extra strength to continue fighting in the many areas that I was struggling in that night.

I am not saying that if you go to church, you are certain to get good marks or become a genius overnight or all your problems will be solved. Hard work is definitely required but I am learning that spending time with God is so much more meaningful.

Do your best and God will do the rest. =)

LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU

2009-06-09T11:17:00.006+08:00

Added this in....special request....(explanation below)

This is a dedication post to everyone who is having exams! My first university exam is in two days so pray for me! =D (Finance go go go!)

I just feel like sharing today's devotion with everyone! Here goes...it is from the book "God is in the small stuff" (Just highlighting some important parts)
-------------------

You've heard it said that laughter is the best medicine. Well it may not be the best prescription for what ails you, but it is beneficial for your health. Medical researchers have determined that laughter has a profound and instantaneous effect on virtually every important organ in the human body. Best of all, laughter reduces tension as it relaxes the tissues.

Abraham Lincoln understood the benefits of laughter when he said, "With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die."

If you aren't laughter, become one. Try it. You'll enjoy it. And if you're having trouble finding something to laugh at, start with yourself. Many people are too impressed with themselves to enjoy their humanity. They are missing out on some great laughs.

Laughing at ourselves gives us a more accurate sense of who we are. It breaks down barriers between others and us. It makes us more approachable. It projects a personality that is warm and friendly instead of rigid and stuffy. Laughter is like a magnet that attracts people. And if you can learn to laugh at yourself, you are guaranteed to have a lifetime of amusement.

Laughter is the secret to a long and enjoyable life. People don't stop laughing because they grow old. They grow old because they stop laughing. He who laughs, lasts.
----------------------

1) Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humour.
2) Laugh at yourself. Laugh with others. If you can laugh at yourself, you are guaranteed a lifetime of chuckling.
3) A true sense of humour does not rely on the humiliation of others.
4) There's a time to be serious and a time to laugh. Learn to tell the difference.
5) Humour works best when it brings joy to others.
6) You know you have a good sense of humour if you can laugh when someone tells your joke better than you.
7) If someone tells you a joke you've already heard, let them finish and laugh anyway.
-------------------------

Honestly, I used to be a really serious person. I still am actually and sometimes I find it so hard for me to stop being so serious about things and just smile and laugh.
I remember the times when I was 14 and Cikgu (Teacher) Jeanie would keep telling me to stop being so serious and strict with everyone and be more relaxed!
I used to get offended when someone laughs at me. I used to hate the embarrassment that comes from laughter.

When I found Christ, I realised that just staying with who I am now is not good enough. I have to keep changing daily just to become a better person.
It takes a lot of courage to go through a process of change. I used to pray daily and still do so that I would just be able to smile and laugh at the little things in life.

Honestly, now I still find myself as someone more serious than funny, but I do know that as long as I keep on trying to smile and laugh daily even if it means being embarassed at my own blunders and not letting the storms of life drain me, and it makes people around me laugh too, it is worth all the effort!

So find laughter in your world today! I promise you, it will make all the difference. =D

----------------

Here are just some photos that whenever I see them, I end up laughing. I used to hate taking photos btw and I hardly have any photos from form 1 to 3. Yet I finally realised that if you put in a comedic element in your photos and take it for the sake of other's amusement...why not huh?

So yea...hope you all have a good time laughing at the photos as I have...

2007 - Me and my cousins from Sydney! Miss them! Look at my cousin Hei Hei!

2009 Elim International Network Camp. Well, my friends from back home won't really understand the significance of this photo but yea...
Josh, our Camp Commander....training Jay, our new rising star...

Hahaha...Camp photo...I don't know what I was laughing at but heck, it must have been pretty good...

My cousin Hei Hei....awwwwwww.....

HAHA! Rockstar wannabe....check out my belt....(Lol, there is another photo where I pointed at the belt's logo "MAN" and sylvia made a question mark with her hands....WTH LOL! DOUBTING MY MANLINESS! HOW COULD YOU?)

hehehe...Disco King in the making....(yea right lol)

HAHAHA...sorry guy....I had to post this....definitely the gayest photo ever....

It was a freezing night...but hey, who said you cant smile in winter? =D

This photo is totally random but yea...this is how I interpret it...
Judith: *blank look* *blur* *must be thinking err did you just take my photo?*
Dennis: Hey....midgets on tv! My favourite! *grins*
Caroline: Man...im sexay.....*poses her back for the camera*
Stef: Cannot lose to Cyrus!!!! Must beat his 16% completion on hard in Guitar Hero....*concentrates hard*
Jimmy: A distance away...MAN SO MUCH GOOD FOOD...gotta eat them all before anyone notices....

(hahaha, sorry if I offended anyone...=D You do know I love you guys right? hehe....)

My university clocktower

That's right! I am studying in University of Otago! It has been an awesome 3 months plus with everyone in Uni! PEOPLE IN SABAH...COME MY UNI EH....so few sabahans here...
I promise you, you wont regret it! (Got me here ma....who else do u need? LOL)

ANYWAY ALL THE BEST WITH EVERYONE DOING EXAMS!!!!! A-LEVELS BACK HOME...UNIVERSITY EXAMS HERE....
REMEMBER TO LAUGH AND DISTRESS K???????????
LOVE U ALL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boK0YxFxVQg&feature=PlayList&p=D493B52EB86FB3BD&index=39

BTW....all doing exams...go to this link to laugh...just a 3 min clip... =D
IT IS FUNNY LOL!!!!! =D

R18 stuff....(IM SERIOUS, dont read if you are underage)

2009-06-03T21:37:00.005+08:00

CAIRO — A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family, police reported.

After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, said a police official.

The young man came from a prominent family in the southern Egyptian province of Qena, one of Egypt's poorest and most conservative areas that is also home to the famed ancient Egyptian ruins of Luxor.

The man was rushed to the hospital but doctors were unable to reattach the severed member, the official added citing the police report filed after the incident.

The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorised to speak with the press, added that the man was still recovering in the hospital.

Traditionally, marriages in these conservative part of southern Egypt are between similar social classes and often within the same extended families — and are rarely for love.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Think your love life is hard? Think again!

We are blessed to be able to choose who we want to be with....most of the time la....

OH YEA...Thought for the Day...

They say true friends are hard to find....but you know what....BE ONE YOURSELF FIRST TO OTHERS...
And you will realise....it takes being one to find one...

=) Don't keep wishing for better parents, siblings, friends....
Work hard to be a better friend/son/daughter/brother/sister....

You can make all the difference.

p/s...I miss u....so badly...Miss your smile...Wished you could be here with me.

Haha, you will probably read this next month...anyway...go for the win! =)

I believe in you!

He chose to save you!

2009-06-02T11:21:00.004+08:00

I failed to wake up for breakfast again but in my failure, I managed to wake up just to spend some time in prayer and worship.

I read this in my devotion today and I just broke down and wept...

So I wanna share it!

From Word for Today: Saturday MAy 30th (Yea, I know I missed devotion for a few days, such a bum!)

--------------------------------------------

A popular tale tells of a church pastor introducing a visiting elderly minister before inviting him to speak. He shares: " A father, his son, and his son's friend were sailing off the Pacific coast when a storm overturned their boat sweeping all of them into the ocean. Grabbing a rescue line, in a split second the father had to make the most excruciating decision of his life - which boy to throw the other end to and which one to sacrifice. He knew his son had accepted Christ and his friend hadn't. Anguished, the father yelled, "I love you son," and threw the rope to his son's friend. By the time he'd pulled the boy back to the capsized boat his son had disappeared beneath the waves. His body was never recovered. The father knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus and couldn't bear the thought of his friend facing eternity without Christ.''

At the end of the service a teenage boy approached the old man and said, "That's a nice story, but what father in his right mind would sacrifice his son's life in hopes that the other boy would become a Christian?" "You've got the point," the old preacher replied, "It's not realistic. But I'm standing here today to tell you the story gives me a glimpse into what it must have been like for God to sacrifice His only Son for us. You see...I was that father, and your pastor was my son's friend."

This story beautifully illustrates the point - The Pharisees who watched Christ die said, "He saved others; Himself He cannot save." And they were right; He couldn't do both, so He chose to save you.

Today will you accept His offer of salvation?
------------------------------------------------------

I just kept thinking about this story, the sacrifice so significant...and yea...a verse comes to mind...

1 John 3:16 WE know love by this, that he laid down his for us - and we ought to lay down our lives for one another.

You know what true humility is? It is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less...

I know I can be quite full of myself sometimes but to me, true humility is when you do small acts of kindness to people or you make a difference in peoples' lives without expecting gratitude and appreciation and sometimes even without the knowledge of anyone else but God.

Most of us, even myself would find it hard to sacrifice our lives for others but I am sure each one of us can at least forget about our own worries and insecurities for one moment and think about others too.

So stop thinking of yourself for once and see what you can do for others!

Let us remember the sacrifices of the 12 apostles and be grateful we do not have to go through that kind of persecution for our faith. Well not yet at least....

Dreams

2009-06-01T18:29:00.006+08:00

I read this in a forwarded email.

When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices.

GO BACK TO SLEEP AND DREAM...OR....
WAKE UP AND CHASE THOSE DREAMS...

The Choice Is Yours.

Well, This Quote actually really inspired me. I have been having a hard time just trying to wake up in the morning. It is honestly shocking! I have exams in 10 days and I am being such a bum! Worst still, I just caught a cold!

Bummer...

My dad emailed me to read a post of his from his blog, here is a section:

Speaking of economics, I encouraged my son to pursue his interests in the study of economics. When he was in Sabah, his School offered economics as a subject but my son was in the Science stream and could not take up Economics. That was one of the reasons why I decided that a move to New Zealand would be good for my son. He did well in his Year 12's Economics but did badly in his Year 13's exams. He blamed it on his economics teacher for the Year 13 Class. My son gets bored quickly with any subject-matter if taught by uninspiring lecturers. He is now enrolled in a double degree course and hopes to major in Economics for his BCom degree. I wish him the best and it's my dream to have an economist in the family. At the end of 2007, I spent nearly all my savings (RM 35,000.00) on my son's education overseas. It makes no economic sense for me at that time. But with hindsight, if he goes on to do economics and makes a contribution to nation-building either in NZ, Malaysia or Singapore or the United Nations, it will be worth every cent of my investment.

To read more:
http://cherubim77.blogspot.com/2009/05/economics-and-economists.html

It is my dad's dream to have an economist in the family huh...but what is my dream?

Honestly, I have two dreams.

One is being a full-time bum...
Second...change peoples' lives for the better in any way I can...

Why do I have dream no 1 u might ask? It is quite selfish I admit. I want to have an easy life, not caring about the society or politics or whatever, get a good job, marry, retire, play golf....die a happy man...

The second dream comes at the cost of all that...I have often argued with my Dad that being a bum is so much better than trying to change the world...

Many people just end up failing anyway! I know people always say better try to fail than fail to try...

BUT...
............
...............

I just dont want to lose loved ones at the cost of fighting for success or others that dont really care....

We shall see if I can wake up for breakfast tomorrow aight? One step at a time...

My Lifegroup! =D Love them!

Take 2

Awww...

Friends! =D

The Roots of Hope. Faith. Love.

2009-05-13T11:26:00.004+08:00

I have been feeling quite troubled lately. So, today I just took some time off to pray and seek God's wisdom in dealing with different issues. I was really surprised when someone told me that my whole blog has been read. So I decided to go back and read everything again and I was really encouraged actually...so here goes...extracts from some of my older posts...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The one principle I learnt in NZ is that “It is not your job to change people, it is God.”Far too often I fall into deep depression because I fail to change the people around me or I screw up big time. I realised I don’t have to carry the burden alone because Jesus had already carried the weight of our sin on the cross. All I have to do is to be my best while dealing with the people around me and let God do the rest. If I screw up, sincerely change and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, people will still be hard-hearted and judgemental towards you because of your mistake but the ability of not letting it get to you and moving on is the best solution at times. Yet in the end it is all by God’s grace that I have the strength and the courage to stand up and not run away from the consequences of my actions.

Remember, it is not your job to change people. It is God’s. =)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From my Dad's blog post 4th Dec 08, Revelation is Real...

When I was in New Zealand early this year I wrote a number of posts about finding a home church in New Zealand for my son. Growing up as a Pastor's Kid (PK) is not easy as many stories and anecdotes will tell. My son has been through many adventures (at least that's what I think they are) as his father changes jobs and places of abode. When my son was born in 1990, I was a practicing lawyer, happy and contented. By the time he was just two years old, his dad had already sold the law firm and ventured to New Zealand. For two years in Auckland we rented a small flat in Penrose just a block or two away from the Baptist College where I was pursuing most of my theological study. At that time, I used to drive a second-hand car (an Hyundai) and it came in handy for shopping and travelling. At least twice a week we would go out for shopping and dining at some fast food restaurant. It later became a tradition in our family (my son, wife and I) to celebrate my son's birthday eating out at Pizza Hut or KFC.

My son went to playschool at Royal Oak, a suburb near Penrose where he enjoyed drawing and listening to stories for 6 months. When I completed my study in 2 years my family and I lived among the tribal peoples of Borneo at the foot of Mount Kinabalu. That one year in Kota Belud (or Taginambur District) was most memorable for my son. In no time he spoke Malay fluently with the children of my colleagues in the Bible School. As the compound was huge and forest/jungle nearby, my son had a number of adventures, one of which was a rather painful one. He accidentally fell on top of a cactus tree and was pricked with many thorns. At that time as there was no electricity we relied on a generator to supply light for all the School community, I began to teach my son the Bible using a Children's Bible with pictures and comics. I began telling my son about my motto or philosophy of life which was to serve God unreservedly and to love Christ wholeheartedly. I began teaching my son to memorize some key verses (my favourites really). The two that stood out were:"Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matt 4:4) and "Blessed are you poor for yours is the kingdom of God (Luke 6:20). My son knows the second verse well even when he was growing up into his teens. Everytime he would ask me to buy things for him or tell me that his friends have this expensive gadget or handphone and asked when I could buy him the same, I would quote "Blessed are the poor" verse as a reply. My son never threw a tantrum when his rare requests were turned down. Deep down he knows that he is a pastor's kid and with grace he bears with it cheerfully and without rancour. It was only much later when he finished Form 6 in New Zealand last year that I bought my son a rather expensive handphone. As for me, I still use my old RM150.00 Nokia model.

When my son was seven or eight, I was at the busiest time of my ministry, itinerating almost every other week in the villages of Borneo, preaching and conducting KKR (revival meetings) for a period of three years. Occasionally I would take my wife and son along if the journey was not too far into the interior and I know that there would be at least some shelter for them. On occasions in my travels I would not know whether I would have a roof over my head and it happened on one occasion that I slept without a roof over my head as the pastor's house was being renovated. Through my experience that night a sermon was birthed: "A hotel with a million stars." I preached that message in 2003 in my denomination's Pastors' Conference, countering what I saw then - visiting preachers demanding or expecting 5-Star treatment. Some preachers would not stay in a 4-Star Hotel!! So I told my story of staying in a "hotel" with a million stars because that night without a roof over my head, I saw the brilliance and glory of God's creation with a million stars (angels) watching over me. That sermon brought much conviction to many church leaders and some openly wept (and repented for kowtowing to these charlatans or money-grabbing preachers).

During one of the greatest storms ever to hit Sabah (Greg Storm in Kennigau 1997), my son was waiting for me in his grandmother's village in Tambunan, some 100 kms away from what I was ministering in Nabawan during Christmas. Many houses and roads were swept away and I managed to drive through one broken bridge just in time (the waves were crushing over the bridge and my car could easily be swept down under). My courage to take risks was to see my son's face - knowing that he would be worried if I did not return that day. Everytime I came back from preaching ministry or my travels, my son would be the first to greet me and said: "Daddy, I miss you - Welcome back!" On occasions he would tell me that he prayed for me because he was worried something bad would happen to me.

As my son left for New Zealand in February 2007, we were about to move house once again, this time to our own place. My son only saw it from afar and did not stay in it until end of 2007 when he came back for his holidays. Tomorrow my son will be back from New Zealand, God willing, and he will be going into another place yet again, not back to his hometown but to Singapore. I thank God for my son for he never complained even once of the many travels and changes that he had to endure as a pastor's kid, taking in his strides what the Lord has in store for him and for his dad.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This post was my first post of this current blog. Yea, I still visit my blog often even if I do not update and this post really encourages me to remember how amazing God's grace has been for my family.

I just felt like posting it again to remind me that I am never alone. God and Family.
No matter how terribly I go through life, They will always be by my side. I sincerely hope that the friends I have bonded closely with these past few months will stand by me too. =)

Yea, will start being active again in the blog community on the 20th of June! STAY TUNE. =)
Will share amazing stuffs about university! =)

A day to Remember

2009-03-29T18:39:00.006+08:00

5 years.

Memories.

I still remember.
I still cherish.
I still believe.

Tomorrow is a new day. I have forgotten but I remember once again what is truly important.

I will always remember what you taught me. What you gave me. Without you, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I promise you that I will do better this time! 3 weeks? I can do it!

I have always punished myself even though I know you wouldn't want me to be this way. To fulfil the destiny of my name I will only do when I know the answer.

Thank you for everthing. Keep watching me from above! =)
I love you, I always have and always will.

Cyrus.

I will be out of blogging for 3 weeks. Period of fasting! =D

Cyrus Siew is back! =D

2009-03-22T04:24:00.003+08:00

I have been quite down quite recently.
Yet God has been so gracious to me.

Sometimes we do not understand the circumstances God put us through.
I really believe that God works best in our darkest storms.
=)

I was invited to a leadership retreat on Saturday morning for Elim International network.
(I am not a leader btw so I feel really blessed just to be present there to learn from each of them)

Each individual shared about their lifegroup, their daily walk with God and after that a few of us would give words of wisdom and encouragement to build that particular individual.
It was really encouraging to hear from these guys who were so passionate for God.

I share about my daily struggles being in a residental hall and I received such encouragement that I did not expect at all.

Thank you everyone. I really left that place changed and even more pumped up to achieve all that God meant me to be.

This song really boosted me up these past few days. It will now be my stand and one day it is my dream to sing this song in front of hundreds! =D
------------------------------------------------------
Solution
It is not a human right
To stare not fight
While broken nations dream
Open up our eyes, so blind
That we might find
The Mercy for the need
Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession
Yeah

It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey Now
As we hold to our confession

Woah-oh-oh, God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah

Higher than a circumstance
Your promise stands
Your love for all to see
Higher than a protest line and dollar signs
Your love is all we need

Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light
We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light

We'll sing
Woah-oh-oh, God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Woah-oh-oh, God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
------------------------------------------------------
A special shoutout to my friend Jimmy!
Jimmy: *bla bla bla*
Me: *surprised*
Jimmy: I know it might sound cheesy but yea...
Me: *smiles*
I did not expect cheesiness from you but I really appreciate it, Jimmy. =)
Cheesiness is good! =D

Webcam photoshoot Take 1! New friends...Cindy, Regina, Neil, Me

Take 2

Take 3

Take 4

Take 5

I posted more photos on facebook! Go and have a look everyone! =)

Comment too!

Have a nice day!

Oh yea Easter camp is coming up! Everyone sign up sign up sign up! IT WILL BE AWESOME!!!!! WooooHoooooHooooooooo!

(I miss you.........)

The Notebook

2009-03-16T04:59:00.005+08:00

I just finished watching "The Notebook" this morning on the internet. I watched half yesterday night and couldnt finish it due to some complications...
When I finished it, I couldn't stop crying. It was a different kind of love story, a really beautiful love story that lasts until the very end.
Here is an extract from the movie that moved me to tears...(it was a letter)

------------------------

My dearest Allie,

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us.

I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real.

And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives,

I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees.

Learning from each other and growing in love.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more,
that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.

And that's what you've given me.

That's what I'd hoped to give to you forever.

I love you.
I'll be seeing you.
Noah.
----------------------

I am actually considering to put my blog for private readers for a period of time, I'll see how things go by the end of this week. There will be things I will post that I prefer the general public not to know!

Time to wash up the tears and prepare for my Finq 102 lecture! (Business mathematics)
-----------------------
Well here is a song that encouraged me a lot this morning and I hope it helps anyone who feels crushed or down.

God will make a way by Don Moen (ancient song)

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today

-------------

I must smile! =D Have a nice day guys!

Losing A Loved One

2009-03-14T06:41:00.002+08:00

(My devotion today - Word of Today, 30th August)
I read this part last year and read it again today and it really means a lot to me. It changed my life.
In a way I somehow wished I read this a few years back...
------------------------------------------------------------------

When you lose a loved one you realise that relationships are much more important than possessions.

But we forget that in our scramble to the top of the heap.

Being told you've only a short time to live puts you into shock, then re-orders your priorities.
It makes you want to fill each precious moment with the words you've left unsaid and the things you've neglected to do.

Don't allow self-centredness, masquerading as ambition (or religious zeal!)
to keep you from showing love to those who need it!

MAKE THAT CALL.
SEND THAT EMAIL.
BUY THOSE FLOWERS.
SAY "I LOVE YOU"

In other words, "BE THERE" for the people who matter!

Most of the time people don't need our WISE ANALYSIS or BRILLIANT ANSWERS, they just need OUR LOVE - and SUPPORT - and they'll find their own answers.

If you are a leader, you're particularly at risk. Don't sacrifice your family on the altar of your career, or you'll end up with regrets you can't resolve. The son of a well known missionary stood at his father's grave without shedding a tear. He told someone, "You'll never miss what you never had. My dad loved people on the other side of the world but I'm not sure if he loved me."

WAKE UP! The clock's ticking and the days are flying by. YES, you must fulfil your God-given assignment in life, BUT NOT AT THE COST OF THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER!

Take a moment and think about these words: " And Jonathan had David reaffirm his...love...for him...Then Jonathan said to David...You will be missed, because your seat will be empty (1 Sam 20:17,18)."

----------------------------------------------

Well, life has been quite hectic. Honestly, I am having the time of my life here but I am just afraid that yea, I will once again forget that relationships are more important than the scramble to the top of the heap. I sang this song in the morning and my heart really yearns for the people around me...

Save New Zealand (Actually Australia)
Pour Your Spirit out
On this nation
Send revival to this land

Do it through us
Do it in me

Just wanna say to everyone! Back home in KK or nearby in Dunedin!
I LOVE YOU GUYS! =D HAVE AN AWESOME WEEKEND!

Photos of Carol's Surprise Party on the 12th of March 09! =D
(On that day, I had a relay race in my college against different block of flats. We got last lol!
I did my best but competing against fit and athletic kiwis, I had no chance)

Birthday cake baked by Rebecca!

Carol and Jimmy...awwwww

Cutting her cake!

We are all in this together. =)
Adelyn, Dennis, Me, Jimmy, Carol, Andrew, Tessy, Matt, Rebecca, Huei, Ken as Chup Chups, Joel Lim.

Walking By Faith

2009-03-09T13:56:00.009+08:00

I promised to share this passage I read for devotional once upon a time...
(Word of Today, Sept 23rd 08 - Slightly modified by Cyrus Siew)

Walking by faith is not easy. When you make up your mind to trust God the odds are usually stacked against you.

Remember Noah? When he built the ark there had never been rain! And the outcome isn't always what you expect.

Walking by faith doesn't mean your problems suddenly evaporate. Sometimes faith doesn't change your circumstances, it changes YOU by giving you the tenacity to hang in there...

When the cheque doesn't come in the mail.
When the doctor says, "It's malignant"
When your partner asks for a break up.
When your friends backstab you and leave.
When it seems your whole world is crashing down...

Faith gives you the fortitude to endure these things, confident that God is working on your behalf.

"FAITH IS BEING SURE OF WHAT WE HOPE FOR AND CERTAIN OF WHAT WE DO NOT SEE" (HEB 11:1)

So, walking by faith means:
1) Trusting in the faithfulness of God
2) Following in the footsteps of ordinary people who did extraordinary things
When the bible says, "The just shall live by faith" (Heb 10:38) It doesn't mean little sporadic bursts. No, it's talking about a lifestyle!

Anybody can go the first few rounds in the ring; it's when you're KNOCKED DOWN IN THE NINTH that you need the faith to get back up and keep fighting.

So discount your circumstances, dethrone your doubts, start walking by faith!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Hey guys,
I have just recently got my internet line fixed in my room. I promise to do my best to try update at least once a week okay? I have been quite busy settling down and adapting to university life.
I have so many things to share as it has been a crazy two weeks but yea I have to do my assignment. Some other day k? =D
All I can say is I am really loving uni life! =)

Here are some photos. Enjoy!

Members of another residental college. Not mine thou. They had to go through a dirty sewer lol.
Crazy people.

My flat area. We are called the Hepburn and Sandland gang. Its either 4,5 or 6 persons per flat.
(This was taken during our scavenger hunt activity)(I was the photographer)
Moana pool. We had to walk up very steep hills to get to Moana pool. Just for the sake of 50 points lol. (Other places were either 10 or 20 points)

Take 1 (Basically Otago Uni has around 15 residental college and my college is called City College. It hosts 211 residents and it is the most unique college/hostel as the area is based on houses and introduces a flat environment rather than the typical room by room hostels.

+ S - Sandland (Their flats are antique like but their rooms are huge!)
TRY SPOT ME! Hehe...

H for Hepburn (My flat is Hepburn 2, I have 4 other flatmates. 2 kiwi girls, 1 kiwi guy, 1 malaysian girl)

Railway station

Otago museum. (Actually there are many more places we had to hunt down but I am too lazy to post all the photos, there are like 20 other places we went to and ALL BY WALKING! It was seriously a crazy and exhausting day)

First lifegroup lunch

Lifegroup ppl! =D

Me in Changi Airport, Singapore.

Yvonne Loh and Laura Chung

2009-02-20T15:41:00.007+08:00

Today I want to dedicate a post to two beautiful young ladies who turned 19 today!

BLESSED BIRTHDAY YVONNE LOH YA FUI AND LAURA CHUNG LI LING!

So now let us go back into memory lane.

How We Met.

Yvonne: I don’t really remember how we met but I do know she was one of my first friends in primary school. We were 7! We sat beside each other and used to exchange stickers and those small perfume balls. (I think I cheated in my malay test by looking at her paper) I don’t remember much about primary 1 or 2 but I do know she was the ONLY girl I invited for my ONE AND ONLY birthday party I ever had during my 8th birthday. After that, I never had another official birthday party. I was definitely a sad child. LOL! She was one of the few friends I still remember when I returned to KK after 2 years abroad in NZ when I was 9 and 10.

Laura: We were new to each other as we just entered form 1 in All Saints, my high school. We were 13! I thought it was really unfortunate when teacher moved her to my side of the class. I thought she would disrupt the environment Fong and I had created because at that time I really thought she was those “stuck up” Chinese girl from Chinese School. (I was racist to my own race, how sad is that?) The first question I asked her was: “Do you really want to sit there?” Fong’s first question was: “Do you have any balls?”
Hahahaha! Those were really good times. She turned out to be an angel in disguise. =)

Personality

Yvonne: Out of all my childhood friends, she would be one that I am closest to. We know each other for 12 years plus already? She has always been a true friend to me. In those 12 years, I don’t think she changed much. She went through a lot of pain but she always managed to look beyond it and conquer her fears. At times she would still be insecure or unsure about how to deal with certain matters but because of her gentle and kind heart she would always end up touching many people. =)

Laura: Well, so far I know her for nearly 6 years plus. Generally, her personality is very bubbly, happy go lucky girl. Yet when she is serious, wow, don’t mess with her. In the 6 years, she has grown and matured a lot. The last time I saw her, I was really encouraged by her growth and I hope you will always have the strength to strive for your dreams. =)

Good memories

Yvonne: Well, I barely remember sharing an umbrella with you during primary school. If I am not mistaken, she was like a BIG sister to me that time. She had to look after an immature, crazy, mad psychotic young boy who went on random shameless sprees.
In high school however, things were slightly different. We were in different classes for 3 years. If I was not mistaken she refused the post of Junior Head Prefect for the sake of Nature Club. Right Yvonne? (Bodoh oh u) Well, she was always really encouraging. I still keep a lot of your small cards with bible verses! She gave me many things to light up my day. I guess she was always watching my back even though most times I didn’t seem appreciate it. I’m sorry Yvonne. =)

Laura: Well, I guess the best times shared with her would be her sitting close by. Getting to know her was really awesome. I think that period in form 1 were my happiest days. Fong, Laura and I. We often chatted in paper when we were not allowed to talk in class. Remember? She would always bribe me those “S” sweets. I guess at that time we were still really young, carefree and were yet to face the real hardships of teenage life. Yet, it was still my most favourite year. The most tensing moment was when I called her to ask her a particular question somewhere in October, 2003 I think. I was so nervous and nearly freaked out. I don’t think I was ever that scared again. *winks*

Constructive Criticism

Yvonne: “You know you might appreciate your friends inside but if you don’t say it or show it, how would your friends ever know?” She scolded me this before once and after that, I really did try to be more expressive of my appreciation to others.

Laura: “I think you have changed. I think we should just remain friends” Uiyo, after that, you won’t believe how heartbroken I was. Haha, kidding kidding. Yet it was encouraging in a way that it made me realised I really did change for the worst and after that I strived to better. =)

Thoughts about Me

Yvonne: She wrote this in an email a long time ago: “Btw, thanks for sharing your past once again...you really are a mysterious person, Cyrus but sometimes, it is really easy to know what you're thinking...and yet sometimes...it's really hard to decipher...you are scary...like a guy with many layers...but yet, sometimes, I see the real layer...it gave me the thought that...although you might seem strong outside...you're still weak inside...sometimes, lost...confused...but sometimes...you're rejuvenated....”
Haha, you know me best Yvonne. =)

Laura: She told me when I was back in KK that she got to know God more because of me. You know that statement really means the world to me. Sometimes I really wonder if I really did make a positive difference or influence on people’s lives. Because of that, I really wonder if it is worth it trying my best to be like Jesus. It is so much easier to live a life following your own desires! But yea, if people get to be better because you try yourself to be better, I guess it is worth it. =)
“Stand up for Christ and Christ will stand up for you.” Thank you for remembering. =)
Honestly, I forgot all about it, being too obsessed with my own selfish desires but it was a good reminder to me of whom I should place my hope on.

Final Words

Yvonne: I was reading your old emails to me and I actually cried reading them! I know I promised to stay with you to kick ass for SPM! We both lost a loved one and grew stronger from it. That night when you cried on my shoulder, I felt really lost. I didn’t know why God had to put all of us under so much pain. Yet I begin to understand more now.

Here is an extract from one of your old emails:
Besides that, we were having Inter-CF meeting yesterday...it was great! But I wasn't really good at worship leading yet...so we sang…"Segala puji syukur and Here I am to worship"...I feel guilty cause I can't really do the "Signals" yet...and….I'm still not good yet…because last time, everything was planned by Cyrus and Elden… =( both of them are gone now…GONE…like *poof*...anyway, before us, the Chinese CF wanted to sing their own Chinese song too, it's uhm…something like this…"Every tongue, every tribe, every nation..." but in chinese laa...but chorus in english...A lot of people turned up! Our chaplain, Rev. John Yeo came, Pastor Jonathan, Pastor Lydia (Chinese Cf), and some other guys...almost 100 people came…and our goal is to reach 300 people for the 13 weeks alpha course. Each person will be bringing 2 people…so there will be 300 peepz! wheee~

You know it was good in a way that I left early aye? Many of our friends stepped up to the challenge of leading ASCF, especially you! Last time, you where got active in CF wan…true or not? =)

God put us through pain and suffering in order for us to grow to be better equipped for greater challenges in the future. So don’t ever give up!

Laura: You know I really love your new motto! “RESIST TEMPTATION” with your special hand gestures! Hehehehe…
Haha, I am really glad to see you so happy! I think my trip to KK was really worthwhile just to see you so pumped up. I know there are surely problems that might be hard to solve or deal with but you showed me great willpower to not let it get to you. Instead, your new found faith in life and God has brought new hope to my own faith. Thank you. =)

I have so many other things to share about these two amazing persons but I really don’t want to write another long 6 pages! Oh yea! Both of them would make AMAZING wives in the future so yea guys out there…*hint hint*
(Sorry for promoting you both can’t help it!)

Laura and I. Her 16th Bday. Exactly 3 years ago.

Yvonne and I. 16th Bday too! haha...

Laura's house. Sweet 16....(The photo seems to be like it was my birthday instead lol!)

Laura and I 3 years later...Feb 2009!

Yvonne and ....not me....my photo with her is in her camera!

We were walking around Singapore together and I saw this marvelous boxers!

And unexpectedly she decided to pose for it...mmmhmm...I wonder why....tempted that...

Look carefully at the boxers...it has special options! kekekekeke...

True Friendships Last A Lifetime

2009-02-19T22:44:00.002+08:00

It feels kind of nostalgic as I actually wanted to write something about friendships today and fortunately I checked back the records of my old blog. I wrote a post about friendships EXACTLY one year ago! Here goes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18th FEBRUARY 2008 (My old Xanga blog, non existent in www, only in hard drive)

As I look back, I see myself very flawed. I have failed my friends countless times yet I have always tried my best to help my friends who “ASKED” for my help.

I had a great time in All Saints. Especially when Elden, Waltson and I were around in Likas area. All the times spent playing badminton and soccer together. All the times walking back home together.

Yet the true fact of reality is we cannot expect to always be as close as we always were. Once leaving home this means a new life is beginning. It is a new life where we cannot always expect our old friends to be there for us. There is a time where we have to move on from the past yet always cherishing the times together. It is a time to grow up and face the real world which high school doesn’t teach.

One year I have left and I havent kept much contact with some really awesome friends and maybe I might feel forgotten sometimes. Yet I know we all have our own lives to go through and being so far apart means we can’t communicate as much as once upon a time we could but I know that our friendship still remains as strong as ever.

Example: Elden and I may not contact so often anymore or talk like we used too but I know we both still share a tight friendship that will last a lifetime. In July 07, I had a short holiday in KK for 2 weeks and after that, I had a half day stop in Singapore. We met up not being in contact for quite some time and that 6 hours spent together was heavenly! Im glad even though so many things were stopping us from meeting yet God paved a way for us to spend some time together! Met again in KK Dec 07 yet only for a few days, I was busy with a lot of things and didn’t get to spend as much time as I wanted too with him and I really regretted it but I know there will be other times...just like Singapore...I just know it and believe it...

(2009 update: Just like what I believed in, we got to spend more time! I still wished I had more time with you but yea, I hope you have an awesome time during your few months break)

Example 2: Waltson, sometimes a BIG mouth person (accidentally not purposely), hard, sharp and strong willed person sometimes, yet despite his weaknesses, his inner layer portrays a faithful friend who has always helped me to the best of his capabilities. He is one friend who is reliable in desperate times. We don’t keep in contact much especially when I’m gone but when I’m back, he did a lot for me to make my stay in KK a much more pleasant one than I expected. Thanks Waltson. I know we will always be the best of friends. Hope u find a joyful future!

(2009 update: He made my stay in KK a much more pleasant one again as I moved to his house for a week due to extended family problem. Thank you, Waltson. I really appreciate it. I really regret not calling your Dad after leaving and I promise I will make it up to your parents one day. That I will make sure.)

Example 3: Jinho, a friend I’m not that close to but he is one guy who sacrificed a lot to help a friend in need. Once I needed to go for an interview but I was feeling really afraid to go alone and at that time no one could accompany me except for Jinho who sacrificed precious time just to take 2 buses with me and talk and then had to wait until I finished the interview. He also accompanied me to the toilet once (maybe a few times) to help me look after the door! (All Saints gentleman or more known as “pillak” toilet (“pillak” is a special Sabah term for infidels) during my time never had a lock, even when it does, the next day surely gone) Not many guy friends would do that! (Embarassing I know, can’t blame me for being scared of pooping in an insecure toilet) Back in KK, I guess I only had 2 times in 2 MONTHS to talk to him and that was quite short but it was a really BLESSED fellowship. Yet I know He will always be a friend I respect and trust.

(2009 update: We didn’t get to meet up this time. I really wanted to talk to this gentleman and get his feedback. He is still one of the very few guys I can talk freely about our Christian faith.)

That is only 3 examples and I could write more about other friends but it would fill a novel. Friendship is not perfect. Yet in forgiveness and always knowing the positive things in your friends, you will be able to maintain that bond of friendship. Even miles away without any contact.

WE are flawed definitely. I’m flawed. Elden's flawed. Waltson's flawed. Jinho's flawed. I’ve disappointed them before. I’ve done things that made them agitated and angry at me. They have done the same to me.

Yet we forgave each other, put behind the stuff that happened, and not let one SMALL thing destroy the BIG friendship that we share.

I know friendships will NOT always work this way. That’s life. We as humans are really imperfect beings. Yet for the friends that still remain close to your heart, continue holding them close. Sometimes we have to let them go as they have to find their own lives yet hold true to that friendship. Hold true to the people you love.

One day when you meet them again, THINGS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT BUT WHATS THE SAME THING YOU WONDER? TRUE FRIENDSHIPS LAST A LIFETIME…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
February 18th 2009, Singapore

After two years leaving home, I am much more convinced that true friendships really do last a lifetime. =)

I have decided to change the tone of my blog. Other than writing about my own personal story, I will write about the friends I have met along this journey of life. I realised that a part of who I am today is because of the influence my friends played in my life throughout my 18 years and 6 months of living.

Tomorrow I will write about Yvonne Loh and Laura Chung who will celebrate their 19th Birthday! =D

Then I want to write about Fong! (An amazing friend, though we hardly keep in touch, we will always be the best of friends! I still love you the MOST man! We have history together though we aren’t gay yea! (Info for the random readers) Thanks for skipping school just to send me off at the airport. We didn’t even get to spend much time man! In the future, you owe me BIG time!)

About Grace and Mabelle, my two sisters! Not blood related, but yea, heart related! =D

About so many others! I know reliving certain memories will be painful but I know by cherishing these memories; it will always be a part of who I am and how I intend to chase my future. =)

My favourite photo! November 2006. One of Elden's last days of highschool. Our last days as
prefects together. =)

Another oldie! Eklektos, a place where I grew up spiritually.

Me and Jinho, July 2006. We had a "batik" function and I took this in the bus going there.

The "Hood"(Me, Waltson, Ivan, Ziyad, Elden) Jan 2009!

The "Ahz" gang. Yet we are missing Ahbun. =(
Haha, these guys are one of the funniest group of people you can ever meet!

Confessions Of My Heart

2009-02-13T13:24:00.006+08:00

*WARNING*
It will be the longest post ever so yea read it only when you have a lot of free time!

*I shared some parts in Eklektos that day*

Before I leave to NZ for the third time, I want to be able to share everything from my heart for the first and last time. I guess by letting it all out, I can finally move on.

The year 2008 has been a tough year for me.

Honestly, I still regret leaving KK early in 2007 for NZ. Many times I wonder if I were around, would things have been different?

I got too absorbed into the situations I thought I could change until I forgot about my own predicaments which quickly tore me apart.

I left to NZ in 2008 after two months in KK. I was not able to change a thing. I was filled with regret. Worst still, I lost myself to my own problems.
I lost my confidence.
Everything I said or done seems to lose all meaning.
I lost my faith.
Yet I am thankful to one person who never failed to make me smile every time I was down. Thank you.

The feeling I experienced was one of dire helplessness. It felt like I lost everything and everyone. Everything I have been fighting for, everything I believed seemed to crumble in front of my eyes.

The first 6 months of 2008 were hard.

I became quite antisocial and very quiet, far from my old self. I found it hard to talk sometimes. Some of you must really doubt what I have just said but believe me, it is true.
My mid year school report came out and nearly all my subject teachers mentioned my “quietness.”

All the time I thought to myself, what happened to me? What happened to the guy who would always stand up for what he believed in and passionately live out a life eager to make a difference! What happened to the guy who was never shy, feared nothing but God and had limitless confidence?

My dad came over to NZ and I often told my Dad I wanted to give up on God. I felt so screwed up. I felt like the worst hypocrite and jerk ever. I felt like I have let down so many people because I wasn’t strong enough. I was broken. I also felt the church was so flawed and Christians were all just fake, weak and hypocritical. I was one of them wasn’t I?

For the first time in my life, I shaved bald. I deleted my blog. I just wanted to let go of everything. At this time, my Dad was looking for a church for me to settle down. His friend recommended a meeting with Pastor Then, the Pastor of the International Network in Elim Church.

So I got introduced to Pastor Then and I reluctantly agreed to visit his church. At the service, Pastor Then introduced me to some of the leaders and one caught my attention. He was bald! (I was bald too so we had something in common! Instant connection lol) He also looked like one of the leaders from my youth back home. He introduced himself as Dennis and we had a short chat. He then invited me to join his lifegroup.

I felt a bit wary when I first joined his lifegroup. I was afraid that I could not feel at home with them. I went to many churches and I just couldn’t seem to fit in and felt so invisible! I was scared it would just be another bad “church experience.” I was also filled with so much doubt and grief that I felt I would have only been a burden there. Yet they turned out to be such awesome people! Dennis, Kern, Kim, Jimmy, Carol, Jie Qi, Jie Ning…and many more…

Elim international network then had an outreach program called “What’s The Point.” (WTP) It was a night of skits, dances and performances. It was the third year running and the theme in 2008 was “Fearfully and wonderfully made.” They were handing out lists to recruit people for the skits and performances so I volunteered to play a part in any of the skits.

Surprisingly, Dennis asked me to play a leading role in the middle skit of WTP. I was taken aback for his trust in me because I was quite new to the church. I really expected a minor role like playing a tree but yea, I accepted the role after much prayer and thought.
The story goes like this: I played a middle child of the family. The oldest son was the top student, head boy, athlete of the year, had all the scholarships and awards. On the other hand, my sister was a talented pianist and dancer. I was an E student with only A for computer studies. I was nobody!

The skit chronicles my life as someone with low confidence but finally realising that I am actually fearfully and wonderfully made by God. In the skit, I watched this video “Life without Limbs” about a guy who had no arms or legs but still managing to live a fulfilling life for God!

The two nights we had a full house! We got really good feedback but more importantly God was glorified in our midst! Many people were encouraged and we had many converts too! Even after the drama, I had random people coming to me asking me whether I was the one acting in the skit and telling me how blessed they were by What’s The Point 3. (The mime would always be an unforgettable performance)

It was a slow process of recovery for me. Ever since I left home early Feb 07, I kept praying for a mentor who would uphold and keep me accountable for my faith. It is quite amazing how God answered my prayer ONLY one and a half years later after much trials and tribulations! Dennis became an awesome leader and an encouraging example to me.
He is a medicine student but still has the time to always text us encouraging messages and spent time with us.

Before I left NZ, I had the opportunity to have coffee with him. We shared many things and I realised just how much he looks beyond himself to care for us. Even though he has to go through heavy workload because of medicine and also the burden of his own personal problems which are really draining, he still has the time, energy and love to be there for us. He still managed to go for a personal coffee session with nearly every member of our lifegroup amidst all the busyness of life!

For the first time, I understood the true heart of leadership. Looking beyond ourselves, our busyness, our problems and look to the needs of others.

Honestly, I am thankful to God for so many things. The last 6 months in NZ were different. My life was a total wreck but He managed to change my life for the better. It wasn’t perfect and I still had to go through many hardships but I had hope. God restored in me a new faith for the future. I moved out of the hostel in July to stay with my Thai friend, Karn. He was often annoying and we argued a lot! Yet he became the most reliable, loyal, and encouraging friend to me. He was truly a true friend like none other. I don’t think I will find another person as pure-hearted as him. He put us Christians to shame!
I hope your uni life will be awesome Karn! I will always miss u, my dearest friend. =)

I was comparing my NZ testimonial from school with my Malaysian testimonial and seriously there is a huge difference in achievements!
Being in a Malaysian high school for 4 years, I was a top student academically, once a junior head prefect, then a senior prefect- head of discipline, president of the All Saints Christian Fellowship, president of Table Tennis. I had a good track record in sports and gained many awards for my school in competitions organised by the government. I had it all. Yet to me, everything I have achieved in Malaysia was meaningless because in the pursuit of success, I lost the person that really mattered to me. Honestly, that is why I decided to leave at the peak of my high school life in Malaysia and to start over again in NZ. I remembered how some of my friends were really angry, disappointed, and sad. They thought I was crazy to leave before finishing my final year. I guess I really wanted to leave the rigorous and strict lifestyle and find a more peaceful and laidback existence.

I spent two years of high school in NZ. They were tough yet it taught me humility and how to make a difference without being in a position of power, respect or influence. All I had with me were my brains and my heart. My NZ testimonial from school was not much, very mediocre in fact in terms of outer achievements. Yet inside, I have gained so much more in the knowledge of being there for the people who matters. I was finally victorious in my aim to be nobody to the world but everything to the few I love. I guess Angel can finally rest in peace knowing his brother has lain to rest every selfish ambition for success and put others first.
I ended high school in NZ with a true bang, a smile. =)

Returning to KK after a year away was really painful. Old memories, successes, mistakes and feelings just came flooding back. Honestly the one area I failed to set a good example or make the right choices is in the area of love relationships.

In my time in KK, I have always tried to be best I can be for others, be nice, be kind, and be there for anyone who needed me. Yet by doing so and getting attached especially to someone of the opposite gender, I far too often end up hurting the “someone.”

I accomplish much and try hard to please everyone but at the same time I screw up and end up hurting people. In the end, I will be depressed for not being able to save the relationship. I have never been able to escape this predicament even until now. I still feel the scars of my past actions.

Outside, I may seem the happiest and most confident guy on earth. Yet inside, I am still eaten alive by the relationships I failed to save. At times when I was in KK, I entered into “emo” mode where I just don’t talk. Sometimes I don’t realise it until Elden and Waltson would comment on it. My 16 days were fun but at the same time really painful. Many friends shared with me their experiences and sad life stories which touched me considerably.

Sometimes I would feel really burdened because I cannot help. I didn’t have the time, the strength, and the wisdom to help. All I could do was pray and listen. At the same time, I had to deal with family problems that drained me a lot. Honestly, 16 days were too short for me to be able to accomplish anything. I don’t think I even manage to tighten the bond with many of my old friends.

I am sorry if I was not able to spend enough time with some of you. Some promises are still left unfulfilled. Many of my old friends have their own different social connections now and me being the “neutral man” means I have to try to be there for everyone. Yet, adapting to all the different group of friends seriously put a strain on me. Sometimes I wonder if I really do belong with any of you guys. I wonder if I am just adapting to each of you or am I really being the real me. I guess I failed in the way that I couldn’t just sit still and chill like old times…

Yet I was really encouraged when I was at the house of peace. (It is Elden’s house btw) Elden played a lot of OLD Christian songs on the guitar until we reached the more recent songs. I felt really strengthened, joyful and at peace. Thank you, Elden. You will always be a true friend and someone I always look up to. As much as I try to avoid or deny it, I guess maybe the path to the cross is something I find the most peace and joy in.

Home is where your heart is. Many pieces of my heart still reside in KK. I love you guys with everything I have. My Dad told me that more than half of my friends won’t be there anymore in the future.

It is true. There is hardly any future for anyone living in Sabah. We were once the richest state in Malaysia, now the poorest. Corruption conquers and Hate resides in every dark alley.
If you really love Sabah go and read more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_IC
http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/7458/84/
(It is a very good read, I promise)

Yet Sabah still managed to nurture many amazing personalities. People I hold close to heart, most of us have been brought up as True Sabahans.

I have a dream. One day, I want to come back. I want to make Sabah a better place. One day I will be strong and wise enough to be able to do something good and make a difference. I can’t do it alone though. How many of you will come back with me to change Sabah? There will always be hope as long as there are people who have the heart to bring about change in the home they love. Remember the old overused quote? “When there is a will, there is a way.” Yet I know it is not by my own strength but by God’s own grace that a true change can be brought about in Sabah. =)

The one principle I learnt in NZ is that “It is not your job to change people, it is God.”
Far too often I fall into depression because I failed to change the people around me but I finally realised it’s not my responsibility. All I have to do is to do my best dealing with the people around you and let God do the rest. If I screw up, sincerely change and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, people will still be hard-hearted towards you because of your mistake but the ability of not letting it get to you and moving on is the best solution at times.

Remember, it is not your job to change people. It is God’s. =)

This year I will be starting University. A new life. A whole new beginning. I will have new friends and also catch up with some old ones. My future will be based on how well I do in University. I really want to do my best and reach my full potential. Before I do so, I know I have to let go of everything.

I was actually supposed to go to Auckland but I decided to stay where I am mostly because of the awesome people I met so far. I owe a lot to you guys! Dennis! Jimmy! Carol! Jie Qi! Adrian! (I love your house btw) Eugene! Ginny! (And all other remaining members of Chandelier Lifegroup!) Elim Church! Karn! Ji Seok! Belle! Pam! And MAPLE! =D (special request to be added in, aww shes a cute lil piggy anyway)

With new goals, intentions, attitudes, and heart for the future,
I know I can go far with all your support, love, and encouragement.

United we stand, divided we fall. Together, we can make a supposedly tough year a much more pleasant and enjoyable one.

This will be the last time I mention anything about the past. Today, I will live in the present and aim for the future God wants me to have. Before I move on however, I will post two more “articles” for everyone. It really hit me deep when I read it during devotion. (Will post it next Friday, stay tune!)

1. Dealing with people who screw up with the right attitude.
2. Walking by faith.

Right now, I am still troubled by a few matters. I hope to deal with it before I return to NZ. Some matters I know all I can do is to just leave it to God. I will live this year with no regrets. I know I might still end up making mistakes and screw up again but no matter how badly I fall, I know there will be someone up there to get me back up again and walk forward stronger than ever.

God Bless!

P/S
If you managed to finish reading this post word by word,
CONGRATULATIONS! You must really love me…hehe…
(You just read a 6 pages, 2911 words essay)
IF you didn’t, SHAME ON U! U don’t love me at all!
Well, I spent two day writing this up and letting out bottled up emotions. I guess this post is mostly for me than for you guys. It is to remind me that I am only human, a flawed one, but certainly someone who wants to do his best to be better.

Mark 8:36
“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

Oh yea for KK people! Photos in facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=55466&id=649129152&l=a80d7
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=55469&id=649129152&l=3da19
(Public Link)

Free Time

2009-02-02T22:31:00.002+08:00

I have two full days left in my hometown Kota Kinabalu!
I am currently living in Waltson's house and it is the first night I am not going out! I am quite exhausted so resting at home is ideal for me!

Only tuesday and wednesday left!

Then, I will finally be returning to Singapore for 2 weeks before going to NZ again on the 22nd of February.

How am I enjoying KK so far?

I guess its been really exhausting...Every single night Ive been out except tonight...
Also, many old feelings returned making me feel really attached again to Sabah.

I definitely want to come back one day again! I hope it is soon.

Right now I am feeling really lost for words and confused. I really want to do the right thing and not screw up but I fear of losing the people I love once again.

I actually found out many things about myself being back here and I realised no matter how far I am or how long I have been away, I will always love the people I have shared my life with during my time there.

I love you guys always. =)

Oh yea I will be posting photos on facebook soon! So go there and comment yar? =)

Day 3 in KK

2009-01-23T10:44:00.003+08:00

Well on wed night, Oscar picked me up at 9. We went to Damai and had a great time there. First, it was just me, Oscar and Apple. Then the Chen family arrived with Justin, Daniel, David, Jessica and surprisingly Kavita!

Was only a short while but thanks for organising it guys! Really miss you guys lots!

Anyway today I want to share something personal. I remember watching a chinese movie about a gangster leader who had to go to see a psychologist secretly just to cry out his heart before being cold once again as he left the meeting.

To cry is to be able to release emotions of compassion, love, humility, joy and comfort to yourself and sometimes to the people around you. Most people would see it as a sign of weakness or sissyness. I sometimes think so too, but tears can also bring about a sense of real strength. David from the Bible was someone who wept often, a guy mentioned to be after God's own heart.

I am someone who do cry quite a lot, privately thou. Yet, through out the year 2008 in NZ, my heart turned really cold and I couldn't cry. No matter how hard I tried, tears couldnt come. The only time I remembered tears falling is when Dennis, my lifegroup leader prayed for me when I was really stressed out. Even that, it was only trickles.

I do not know why but when I woke up early on Wednesday morning, I just kept crying until I had no tears left. The room would have probably been flooded! I tried to be really quiet but it still woke up my mum and she kept asking me why am I crying? I seriously do not know! This morning, I woke up early again and the same thing happened, tears just started falling and falling. My mum got woken up again lol!

Day 3 has been good. I went to All Saints (my old high school) for Sports Day. I am not sure why but I didnt really feel good being there. After that, we had a good laugh in Wynna's hse with Ziyad, Virgil and Josephin. Went to Restoran Banu for Roti Canai for dinner. Then we went to Warisan and met up with ppl from IS. Had a good catch up and joke session with Josephin, Raymond, Dana, Chua, Esther, Michael, Virgil, Elden, Nicholas. Shereen and Tim appeared too! (Chua, Shereen and Tim went back early thou)
I gave them an IQ test and the average score was 2 out of 10 lol!!! We are definitely all very dumb people...

Well, Josephin if ure reading this, I hope u had fun seeing some of my friends! Sorry if at times u might feel awkward or something. Luckily theres Ziyad with us! =D Please dont believe some of the stories u heard about me! hahaha...

I had another mind-blasting (Russell Peters style, not mind blowing) discussion with Nicholas about religion. It actually caught me off guard but I am sorry I didnt want to answer some questions fully, Nicholas because sometimes I may not be the right person to answer it.

I am actually really really happy being home but at the same time I also feel like I can burst into tears at any time. I wanna spend time with so many ppl but I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME! Seriously it makes me feel so terrible. I made a list of the ppl I want to catch up with and just talk and IM FAR FROM REACHING MY TARGET!

It really saddens me... Sometimes I feel so helpless...really helpless...all I can is pray for all you guys. I guess crying in the morning gives me the strength just to be able to smile one more day and enjoy everyone's company even though it pains me so much. I love you guys so much. Being here brings back so many sweet memories and I havent been able to open up in so long!
U guys know me the best because we have been together since young.

Well I will be moving to elden's hse for a few days to prepare for Saturday. IF possible, I would really love everyone to come to Eklektos this Saturday to hear me speak! I will be sharing about many things I have in my heart and your presence there would be so comforting!

Details are at http://www.eklektosyouth.blogspot.com/
This Saturday at 7.30pm! 24th January! =D Please come k? =)

Day 2 In KK

2009-01-21T19:43:00.008+08:00

In Laura's Shop

Well, I have decided to journal my 16 days in KK so when I have time I will blog about my day!
Well today was quite a free day for me.

I went to Wisma around 11.30 with Mum. I did a bit of shopping while waiting for Laura to finish her class. I was a bit shocked because everything was so expensive! Inflation is terrible!
Well I met up with Laura and her friend, Lopez. We had a good lunch together.

So I managed to catch up with Laura for the whole afternoon and she showed me some awesome places!
I was really surprised when she remembered about the time I shared in ASCF and the motto I introduced on that day was "Stand for Christ and Christ will stand for you"
I myself actually forgot all about it but it was a real encouragement to remember that at least some of my words had some influence.
Thank you Laura! =)

After talking to her for a few hours I was really really really happy to see her in high spirits!
She has definitely grown up into a fine young lady. I hope nothing takes away your joy and stay strong! I will always support you no matter what u do! You will always be my first.

Remember our deal k? When we reach 30........
=)
Anyway we had a photoshoot session. Actually she took photos of me as I posed lol! Enjoy!

Ah Beng and Ah Lian style!

Johnny Bravo style!

Errr, random style

Ah Beng pose!

Molest the fish!

Thinking of U

Emo

Was gonna fall into the water

=)

Power Rangers style!

First Day In KK

2009-01-21T10:25:00.001+08:00

I touched down around 10 something in KK today. The surroundings were like being in a new world! Since when KK international airport so posh oh??? Total 360 degree change man!
The first person I met was Kim Ku.

Me: *waves*
Kim: *waves back*
Me: *wondering why she wear so formal* U working here?
Kim: No la. You’re preaching this Sat right?
Me: Errr. Kinda.

Then I went out and called my uncle. He was too busy to pick me up. Inside I was like, “Oh no”

We took taxi and it was 25 dollars! Honestly, I was really frustrated about losing that 25 dollars and it made me a bit grouchy during the taxi ride. (Actually not a bit, quite a lot)

Well, the first shocking thing I saw was a big billboard of the college Institut Sinaran. I saw my friend Jun Jin there!

I reached the Peak around 11. I texted Dana with my mum’s phone. (My phone no auto roaming, terrible!) Put my luggage down in my great grandma’s place. She is like 90 something and can only speak Chinese. (*this is gonna be tough*) Then my mum went to stay in the other house in the peak with all my relatives. (Actually it was good for me, can go in and out with ease, muahahahahahahahahaha) Then I met my two cute cousins from Sydney, so happy! Piggy backed and played with them before going down to wait for Dana.

Dana came to pick me up at 11.30 and the moment I stepped in the car, I could feel the chills because Dana hasn’t been driving much since getting her license early 2008. Never mind Dana, in time your driving will definitely improve!

We then went to IS to meet my college mates. Dana and I were early and I suddenly had cold feet. I was thinking what if no one remembers me. I have a bit of phobia about meeting with many people at one time. I was asking Dana to go back but yea I stayed because Ziyad was coming too.

The first person I met was actually Regina who was driving into IS that time. Met Kimi. Met Esther. She didn’t recognise me after seeing me for a while! Terrible! Then as I was walking away I turned back and she suddenly realised it was me: EH, CYRUS!!!!!

Then suddenly it was lunch time. IS study area was suddenly full of ppl. Suddenly friends popped from every direction. It became an intense hugging session lol!!! Meeting everyone after a long time was really awesome!
Had lunch in KFC with Edbert, (if I am not mistaken) Dana, Ziyad, Chen Nam, Chua and Raymond. They had a break until 2 so we could have lunch together. It was a good time catching up and Raymond’s story about the Indian guy calling. Seriously classic man!

Then went back to IS and met more people. Elden arrived! After a while chatting with everyone we went back to Dana’s house. Dana, Elden, Ziyad and Me. We had like 2 hours of really interesting talks because we all had the hostel experience living away from home. I had a really good laugh! Thanks Elden, Ziyad and Dana! U guys are awesome!

I came home around 6.30. Then put in my new number. (I bought 2 numbers, one I accidentally picked Super Talk for the option so I bought another one for Super Sms)

Then started texting everyone. The most memorable one would be definitely texting Sherwynna.

SMS: Muahahahahahaha….darling Wynna…

After 5 minutes, I had 2 random numbers calling me. I recognised the voices as friends but I really couldn’t tell who!

So for a few minutes we were arguing about introducing each other because we were unsure of each other’s identity until I finally relented and said my name started with C.

Straight away Virgil came on the line.

Virg: UIIII BOSHHH APA NI, DARLING WYNNA? CURANG KA U? NANTI SAYA BAGITAU PAM BARU KAU TAU!
Me: APA BA! JANGAN LA BOSHH TAK BAIK BA, MAIN MAIN SAJA.
Virg: HAHA, YABA. MAU KELUAR SKRANG KA BOSHH?

(btw its all in Malay and I am too lazy to translate, sorry)

It was so funny, then Wynna came on the line. She was wondering who’s number it was before. She was out with Ida, Rachel and Virgil and for sure they didn’t know my new number. Then they decided to call me up. She mentioned Rachel was saying: “EH, GOOD NEWS. IT’S A GUY! AND HES NOT MALAY!”

SO LOL MAN!!!!!!!!

Hahahaha. I am sorry I couldn’t join you guys! I really had to spend some time with my cousins, aunties and grandparents. I had a really good talk with Grandpa and Grandma at night. I returned to my room around 10 and I just conked out.

I haven’t felt this happy in a very long time! Someone mentioned to me you looked changed huh? A lot more jolly than before! Hahaha, well it is only coz I met all u guys!

Btw, please don’t assume I will be busy! No one has booked me just yet! *winks* But I do have to spend time with cute lil cousins...hehehehe... =D

KK Here I Come...

2009-01-19T22:48:00.000+08:00

Its nearly 11pm and I am flying in 8 hours!

Havent started to pack so I gotta go soon...

Just wanna say that If you want to meet, just tell me.

=)

See you guys soon!

A Father's Anxiety

2009-01-16T09:31:00.003+08:00

I know I am suppose to update my blog once a week, not in 2 days but once again I read an interesting post from my Dad's blog: http://www.cherubim77.blogspot.com/

So here goes the copy paste version:
University entrance exams' results are usually awaited with great expectation and anxiety. When your child is among those sitting for some important exams, as parent there is no running away from anxiety, more so if it means getting into University and more importantly being accepted into the degree programme of one's choice.

When I started my round of preaching in several churches in October and November last year, the conversations during fellowship time with parents centred on their anxiety of making sure their children studied and prepared well for their exams. In the past few weeks, most results of government exams are out in Singapore, first PSLE (Primary Six), then "N" level and last week GCE "O" results. In Australia too, Year 12's results have been out since mid-Dec last year and IB results came out a couple of weeks ago. I can imagine the elation of some students, especially those who scored top marks (10A1s for GCE) or 45 pts for IB. Congratulations to you, high achievers. I don't remember much about the excitement of getting my VHSC (as it was known then, Victorian High School Certificate) from the State of Victoria, Australia. I scored average results. I almost flunked my Pure Maths paper (C), one of my better subjects because the night before I watched Test Cricket live until dawn (if I am not mistaken, watching the great Ian Botham putting the Aussies to the sword).

Today my son got his New Zealand's NCEA (Year 13) results and I thank the Lord that he gained provisional entry into University of Otago. I was a little anxious as my son is not the hard-working type. Sensing his abilities more in the Arts subjects I sent him away to NZ two years ago without him finishing his SPM ("O" Level) in Malaysia. It was a difficult decision for me for two reasons. First, as the only child in the family we felt extremely reluctant to let him go off on his own. Second, it would entail great financial sacrifice. In fact, it was a step of faith not knowing whether I could afford to pay for his studies in the second year, let alone for University. But I thank God today that things have somewhat worked out. The Lord is good to those who call upon His name. I got him back in one piece and he seemed happy and contented with life in NZ, having found a homechurch in Dunedin last year, now he does not want to leave Dunedin. Despite much persuasion that Auckland University would be a better choice (warmer weather, more direct filghts from Singapore, and higher ranking in TIMES), my son only applied to enter one University. He has found his home in Dunedin with his church and school friends. It was a far cry from his sentiments in 2007 that he wrote me, "there is no way that I will stay in Dunedin!"

He took 6 subjects (at least one paper too many) and did well in his two Maths papers and Classical Studies (it was due to my persuasion that he took Classical Studies as I still have hope that one of my descendants (or grandchild) one day will be a Classical scholar). The rest are pretty average. Yet, New Zealand system is one of the most liberal and open systems in the world, giving as much chance for students to enter University. His choice of degree programmes: Law and Economics. The competition starts now. Out of about 800 or 900 first year Law students, only 200 get into second year. I told my son, "forget about economics". Do a B.A. in Classics instead. Learn Greek and Latin. But he has a mind of his own. My wishes for my son are just my dreams and may the Lord lead him to fulfill His purpose for His kingdom here on earth and in the age to come.
---------------------------------
Hahaha, honestly I actually failed economics. The only subject out of the 6 that I failed! Yet I still want to attempt it for university. I will be doing an accounting paper too which I barely passed it in my year 12 exams. (My two worst papers are the papers I will do in university)
I am not really sure why I want to do so. Sounds really crazy right? But Im crazy so its fine anyway! So guys, good results are made through pure hard work and perseverance! You know those geniuses you admired in school? They get there not by brains alone I ensure you. They worked damn hard! (Well most do, but one or two exceptional ones are just plain geniuses without any work at all)

ANYWAY, TODAY IS MY MUM'S BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! I LOVE U LOTS!

Me and Pam again! Felt so long since Ive talked to you...
Miss u....

Lets Argue about Law ppl!

Love Love. =D

Me and Mum =D She looks younger than me huh?

4 DAYS TO KK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D CANT WAIT TO SEE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No Apologies. It's Too Lateeee To Apologiseeee....Its tooooo late....

2009-01-14T18:07:00.007+08:00

Heiya!
Sorry Guys for not updating in two weeks. I really wanted to update my blog at least once a week but yea, it is not easy to come up with inspiration to write. Like Virgil would say, He needs at least 2 hours to write a post and he simply doesnt have the time. UPDATE YOUR BLOG VIRGIL! THIS IS AN ORDER! (I love reading his posts btw, Go visit his link if you have the time)
Well today is day 40 of me being in Singapore. I am sure many of you must be curious to know what I do with my free time besides online on msn! Right?

I havent been doing much. I have been reading a lot and I just finished a book called "The Innocent Man." I locked myself in the room for the whole day just so that I can finish the book uninterrupted. (I was forced to leave the house for dinner thou! A pity) Next book would be Barack Obama, Dreams From My Father!

The book actually opened me up to the power of the law. So many innocent people are convicted for wrongdoing they never commited. I knew the justice system was flawed but I didnt know it was excruciatingly corrupt and this book certainly opened up my eyes.

In my 18 years and 5 months of living I have never once wanted to be a lawyer. The thought of me standing in court defending others seems quite troublesome for me. Yet after reading the Innocent Man, I was really encouraged by an organisation called, "The Innocent Project" headed by a team of lawyers in the US where they take up past cases of convicted people who have been given an unfair trial. Since the writing of the book, 180 prisoners have been freed by DNA testing and inspired at least 30 other innocent projects.

My dad was once a lawyer and certainly enjoyed his time as one. If not for the calling of God, he would have still been raging on in court. My uncle, Alex Siew is also a lawyer and he was in a high profiled case involving the murder of the ex minister in Kota Kinabalu Sabah. He succeeded in proving the innocence of his defendant and saving him from hanging.

I will be entering university this year and taking up the challenge of a double degree, doing Law and Commerce. I am not sure if I will even enter 2nd year law. Fighting 700 over people for 200 places scares me considerably. It is not that I am scared of competition. I am just afraid that if I get too consumed in fighting for something, I will once again lose my heart and forget what really matters.

Maybe one day, I too can stand in court and defend the innocent. It really does seem like a dream now but one day if I work hard and persevere, a dream can turn into reality. BUT right now, I am still the No.1 laziest bum in the world. hehehe

Well on a less serious note, I met with Rev Daniel Vun and family on Monday. I havent met them for a very long time. 8 years is it? It was fun to catch up with Josephin too. All the best for climbing Mount K and will see u again soon in KK! =)

Last night I had the opportunity to go out with my friends from Otago. Eugene came to pick me up at 10 and next we picked up Carol and Andrew. All of us went for supper at some place in Singapore (dunno where) and it was nice catching up with everyone. Eugene, Ginny and her brother, Kevin, Me, Andrew, Carol, and two other friends of Eugene. I had fun laughing away with them especially playing the 0-100 game! hahaha...Classic....

Tomorrow I would be going to Johor to renew my visa and saturday I will be meeting Kimberley Kok. ON TUESDAY I WILL BE ARRIVING IN KK!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly right now I still feel a bit depressed. 16 days in KK. The next time I will be back might be a long long time away. When I am back, rather than being around many ppl, if possible I just wanna sit down on a large grass field with some friends and just stare at the stars together. I feel sorry that I am not able to see a lot of my friends growth but at least I can sit down and listen to your hopes and dreams for the future! =)

So the first thing I will do is send texts to everyone informing you guys about my new number!
AND ITS YOUR JOB TO CALL ME OUT! Okay? *wide grins* 16 days fellas. 16 last days.

Anyway to end up my blogpost for today I want to put up something from my old blog, 16th November 2006. At that time I was form 4 in All Saints and we were attending the No Apologies Course. (It is a course teaching teenagers to abstain from premarital sex) Their motto is still etched in my mind. Abstinence. It works everytime. (Well I surely hope it works everytime)

Well basically the story was that each group had to perform a short skit based on a random situation and use the lines given in the "very" informative No Apologies textbook. So after various skits it was my group's turn and the only guys in my team was me and Waltson (you know la 4A girls, very high class one, for sure refuse to act and give the dirt to the two innocent and unfortunate abused young men)

So we took the challenge, Me and Koo Waltson. Seriously we had only like 5 minutes to discuss how to act out our situation because Waltson came late because of an accident. =.="
SO here GOES. Enjoy our classic impromptu skit! WARNING! *IT is highly recommended that 16 years and under leave this page right now*

Situation: A guy invites the girlfriend to the house but with the intention of having sex with her. The idea of the skit is to portray the "skill" to reject the guy's advances. (And once again Waltson became the guy and I...the girl...yes the "girl" role usually comes to me! hmmph! Should be Waltson ba that T_T)

Walts: Dear, wanna come over to my house for a movie?
Me: Sure, why not? (the best girl voice I could muster)(flutters my imaginary eyelashes)

Then we sit on the chair…pretending to watch a movie…suddenly out of nowhere Waltson’s hand reached out to my shoulder…with lightning fast reflexes I avoid his advances until he gives up…

Walts: I cant tahan already…I WANT TO DO IT! (Tahan is a malay word for control btw)
Me: Huh? Do what?
Walts: DO IT!
Me: WHAT? Walts: IT!!!
Me: OHHH, EAT…sayla...here got popcorn for you
Walts: No no no… DO IT…*double bending peace sign*
Me: *shocked* *shrieks in the best girl yell* I cant believe YOU would want me to do such a thing…its not "SAFE" u know!!!
Walts: Its safe…I have a CONDOM!!! (he starts to pretend to drool) (this line is from the No Apologies textbook)
Me: You want me to bet my life on A PIECE of rubber? (textbook again)
Walts: hehehe…BUT I got 2 PIECES…(my "sick" invention…kekeke, after 2 years I still cant believe I invented that line)
Me: Even 10 wont be enough for you…With your size they would definitely burst anyway!...(lol totally irrelevant but what the heck)
Walts: But Im commited to you…
Me: Then marry me!
Walts: *looks at his watch*…*he seems disturbed*…That’s still a long way to go don’t you think? (hahaha..good impromptu acting man!)
Me: *Stands up and fold arms* *even more high pitched voice from earlier on* Then WE ARE OFICIALLY OVER!

THE END! I wished we videoed it! Would have been a classic!
(Anyway, it is proven that 2 condoms are not safer than 1. The increased friction endangers the rubber and makes it more possible to rip so our dialogue was total crap btw) SO guys and ladies the moral of the story is abstinence is always the best solution. Or so they say. Well I believe it. =) .Still. LOL!

P/S Anyway my title makes no sense at all! Sorry...
P/S 2 THANKS GRACIOUS for upgrading my blog. I gave her the permission to do whatever with my blog and be creative and TA DA! THE RESULTS IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW! I even gave her incentive to put pink as my font! hehehe...Youre the best!

Me and the Joker Koo Waltson during primary 6. We were 12! Cant believe I fooled him with a soya bean bottle! hehehe...(Does anyone remember he used to love licking those rubber?)

The Stranger + Deciphering Me

2008-12-31T16:27:00.009+08:00

Me and Waltson =D once upon a time!

I was reading past blog entries of friends and I came across Waltson's post about "the stranger" many months ago. It was a story that touched me deeply! Incredibly, he wrote it during a form 5 English school examination and got good marks from it! Lol! So yea, happy reading!

The Stranger. It was the first time I saw this boy. My mother had recently been transferred to another school, so I had to move to that new school as well. When I first saw him, an immediate thought came to my mind, what a stranger. He was sitting there alone in class when Miss Wong, my Mathematics teacher, asked him a question. That was the first time I heard him speak, and what a strange accent he had. Could he be a Pakisnise, a mixture of Pakistan and Chinese? I could barely understand what he was saying. Some people say he came from New Zealand. Well, I didn’t bother to find out. He just seemed like a very proud and selfish boy. One day, The Stranger came to me. Well, that was what I named him since I didn’t like him at all. But there he was, standing in front of me. “Hi, I’m Cyrus. Nice to meet you mate,” he said. Mate? What did that mean? Does it mean stupid? Does he take me as a fool? I just responded with a simple hello and walked off. My mind started working again, Cyrus? What a strange name, could it be that he had some sort of virus so his parents named him Cyrus?

Well, time passed by and all these questions seemed to fade away. Then we started to be friends. But then something happened. It was an exam day when I was in primary school. Each student was to take the seat assigned by our class teacher, Miss Chong. But my heart burned with rage when I saw him seating on my seat. “What are you doing here, get out of my seat!” I shouted. “No, this is my seat. Buzz off!” he sneered at me. Everyone was staring at him because he was obviously sitting in my place. In my mind, I thought, “The Stranger has finally shown his true colours”. Instead of helping me, Miss Chong placed me in another seat to avoid any more quarelling. At that time I promised myself never to make friends with The Stranger. But what a soft heart I had. After the exam, he came to me with a bottle of soya milk and apologised for his actions. Well, being the innocent boy I was, I took the bottle of milk as a sign of truce and forgave him.

Soon, I became very good friends with him, but only for one reason-girls. This was because Cyrus was well-known among the girls since he was handsome and had that strange accent that girls seemed to adore so much. So, sticking by his side, I finally managed to get a girlfriend. Well, I did feel a little guilty, using Cyrus to get to know girls. But I didn’t care much. Wasn’t it he who took seat? So I dated this girl but after awhile she dumped me. I was truly heart-broken. I said to myself, “ This is karma. What goes around comes around.” So I decided to apologise to Cyrus for not being a true friend and for using him as a girl magnet. I thought his response would be, “Serve you right!” But no, he comforted me and forgave me. He told me there are many fish in the sea, eventhough I didn’t know what that meant at that time. Nevertheless, I felt grateful having him as a friend. In my mind, The Stranger slowly turned into a true friend that I could trust.

I was hugging him tight. So many years had gone by and we were seventeen already. He was at the airport, leaving for New Zealand, the place where he had learned that strange accent. For some reason, I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to walk home with him everyday and talk about girls, football and other guy topics. His cheeks were wet, mine was flooded. Both of us were sad, he was going somewhere else to study. Well, I had to let go because other people wanted to hug him. And as he entered the terminal, for the last time I saw that weird face of his, with that pair of glasses on his eyes and a little goatie on his chin. Suddenly a thought struck my mind. Here I am crying for The Stranger. I let go a small chuckle. Who would’ve known my closest and dearest friend would be the boy I used to call, The Stranger.

---------

HAHAHA, I remember the fishes of the sea part just like it was yesterday Walts! =D

Hahaha, anyway I also did Yvonne's tag

I. Put your iTunes/any other players on shuffle.

II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!IV. Tag 11 friends who might enjoy doing this.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

Greatest Day – Take That (Blur…)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Get Stoned – Hinder (HAHAHA! Oh my...busted)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

When You Say Nothing At All – Ronan Keating (YESHHH SO TRUE! Means I hate girls who nag? Lol! Girls who talk less smile more?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
No One Does It Better – Soul Decision (Uiseh I must be pro in something…)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Cat and Mouse – The Redsuit Jumpsuit Apparatus (Uina…)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Follow – Youth Alive (I will follow, Follow You, Follow Jesus! (Chorus) YAY Awesome motto)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Lay Your Hands – Simon Webbe ( Mmhmm, I have good touch?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Worship Forevermore – Planetshakers (Wow, I must really adore my parents)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Sexy Can I – Ray J (hahahahahahahaha, no comment)

WHAT IS 2+2?

Shout Unto God – Hillsong United (=.=)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

If you’re not the one – Daniel Beddingfield (fuiyoooo….)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Just Wanna Be With You – High School Musical 3 (Awww, I watched the movie with Pam lol)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

I believe I can Fly – R Kelly (hehehe, high confidence in their son)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

One Step at A Time – Jordin Sparks (Uiyoohhh, dancing one step at a time?)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

The End – My Chemical Romance (hmmm, damn, I know it’s the end of me, Don’t have to rub in the salt lol! =( )
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Leave Out All The Rest – Linkin Park (hahaha!)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Angeline – Building 429 (UINAAAA…my secret affair…………….)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Golden – Fall Out Boy (hahaha yes they are all very “golden”)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Into the Night – Santana ( O.O…into the night doing what???)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble? – Delirious (LOL Die during Earthquake? Damn…)
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Running After You – Planetshakers (Yay! Come on ppl, run after me… =D)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Hate that I Love You – Rihanna (Uitz! Macam betul saja ni)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

Journey to the Past – Disney (Hmmm, very deep…)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Deciphering Me – Albertine (LOL!!!)

I tag:

1. Elden

2. Waltson

3. Virgil

4. Jinho

5. Grace

6. Caroline

7. Timothy Cham

8.Maple

9. Anderson

10. Elaine Yapp

11. Elvina

ANYWAY HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! LOVE U ALL! =D

Love Takes TWO. The Long Hard Road to “Mature” Love

2008-12-24T23:21:00.003+08:00

Warning: This post will be a SUPER LONG ONE and might offend and hurt some people. Please read with caution. This might turn out to be a highly controversial post.
I spent 4 hours writing this post so please at least give me the courtesy to read it fully and comprehend it well.

This post is in response of the post LOVE by Yvonne Loh.

Love? Does it even exist now? (Quoted by Yvonne)

Maybe yes, maybe not. Before I can say more we need to understand more of what love is. In Greek there are three types of Love.

1) Agape
Selfless love (Often connected to divine love from above)

2) Philia
Brotherly/Sisterly love or Friendship love

3) Eros
Romantic love

(Thanks Dad for the translation)

Honestly I really hate talking about Eros love because of its complexity and often serious misjudgements. I think I would be one such victim of constant speculation and sometimes I am so harshly stereotyped. (You know who you are, badmouths and insensitive buggers!)
Yet if someone gets something good from this post, I will write about love from my limited knowledge and as sincerely as my heart can express itself regardless of the consequences. So let us begin.

Eros love also constitutes many other kinds of “love.” There is like, lust, infatuation, addictive love, and finally mature love.

IN all relationships, honestly, IT begins with INFATUATION. It is a passionate illusion of romantic love. So then what is “true” love? Now I rather not use that term because only God’s love is true so let us use “mature” love instead.

Then what is mature love?

This is an extract from the book I have read, “But I Love Him: Protecting your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships.”

--------------------------------------------------

Of course, what teenagers don’t realise is that infatuation can only last so long, and if a relationship is to survive and prosper, it must move on to mature love. The two main characteristics of mature love are that it is energising in a healthy way and that it is based on reality.

In a mature relationship, you want at least as much for your partner as you do for yourself, and you encourage your partner’s growth. Unlike infatuation or addictive love, mature love doesn’t involve jealousy, for each partner is secure in his or her partner’s affection. Unlike infatuation, in a mature relationship each partner encourages the other to enjoy friends and activities both individually and together.

Girls in mature relationships don’t feel they must be perfect or overly accommodating in order to keep their boyfriend’s attention. Nor do they feel that they can’t express disappointment or an honest opinion. In a mature love relationship, both partners find that they like each other even more the longer they are together and the more they know about each other. However, they don’t make excuses for poor behaviour or deny that difficulties exist. In time, they learn to solve problems together and don’t feel as if they will break up every time they have a spat…………

(For more, go get a hand of this book! It is a really interesting book from a renowned psychologist who specialised in helping female teenagers in abused dating relationships. It really gave me a different insight and perspective of certain aspects of female behaviour and abusive males)

----------------------------------------------

Mature love sounds really hard doesn’t it? Have you (those non-single ones) reached or even aimed for that goal of mature love? Or are you too ignorant to comprehend its meaning? Or are you too insecure to even try?
Have I ever reached the stage of “mature” love?
Honestly I will say No, I have never managed to reach that stage. I thought I did at times but there was a missing variable. (See important point down below) I have tried thou, maybe not as hard as I should but can you really blame me who am still in the process of growing up?

I have often failed I admit and fell to the obstacles of distance or worst so to the “third” person. It is something my heart has never been able to accept. A different person involved. Yet honestly all I wanted is for you to find happiness that would not have been possible with me.

Yet even though my past experiences are filled with black holes, I will not stop trying to finally reach this stage! I have now been with Pam for about one and a half months and I am doing my best to be a boyfriend that will always be there for her through thick and thin. (As long as there is no third person involved lol)

Let us now discuss about the moon.

Honestly, sometimes girls take guys for granted too much.
Let us say for example, the guy offered you the moon and promised to wait for you…
If he failed to do so, does it mean his “love” was flawed? Or was it really “love?” or merely an infatuation?
Or why sometimes a relationship would just end up failing or ending…just like that...

I believe this is BECAUSE…
…
Before mature love can occur, LOVE TAKES TWO. (important point)
…

If you have rejected him or dumped him, do you still have the “right” to hold him to yourself? Are you sad, disappointed, and dejected that he finally found somebody new?

Do you know that the moment you said “NO” all the promises of the moon became obsolete?

Guys have feelings too you know and most importantly they have their pride.
For a true gentleman, losing his pride is just like a lady losing her virginity. (Well not that extreme but close enough lol)

Yet many of you conservatives would STILL expect the old fashioned method of a prince charming suddenly appearing from his white horse to sweep you away and win your love with painstaking effort even though he gets dumped countless times!

BUT it’s the 21st century my dear friends not some fairytale, equal rights for everyone remember?

AND it would be terribly selfish for a lady to expect someone to wait for her forever after rejecting him. For mature love to grow it first requires acceptance and then the combined efforts of BOTH partners.

It is NOT ONLY the guy or only the lady.

Once again, LOVE TAKES TWO.
If one tries so hard without the other, it will fail!
So please do not expect to receive “love” when you yourself are so against giving “love” in return.

It is time. You must learn to move on. If you are meant to be together with that particular somebody, fate (divine intervention) or more importantly, choice will bring you back together. But for now when things are beyond your control, please understand that is it NOT love in itself that is flawed, but merely an unfortunate circumstance of being unable to reach or maintain the stage of mature love…together…

No one is to be blamed. IT just TAKES TWO to LOVE. (That is why so many relationships never work out or never even start…same with me too lol…)

Love? Does it even exist now?

I believe so. All it takes is for you to find the RIGHT person at the RIGHT time. (E.g. Youthfulness can really pose a problem to really digest love maturely; even I still think myself quite young and immature to love)
It also takes similar goals to reach that path of mature love.

It is hard but it is not impossible.

Impossible is nothing. Especially when you trust in God’s love and promise for you in finding the right spouse. =)

To all couples, I wish you all the best in reaching that goal of mature love!
And to my single friends, don’t give up hope! There is so much more to life than Eros love! Like Agape love and Philia love! Remember Eros is only number 3 in the list so don’t let Eros love dominate your life and your life will be so much more meaningful! I believe in time, we will all find the right ones for us with the choices we have. Be patient. =)

Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year Everyone!

(P/s) Fairytale prince charming do exists. Rare as they are, they are still some out there who will go all the way to win your love and not give up and move on so easily. One of my friends was that prince. After many months of painstaking effort and countless doubts FROM ME, he succeeded. Now their relationship is really quite at that mature stage. It definitely would be one of the most remarkable stories of love I have ever encountered and if they get married one day, wow they will be a living legend to me. =)
More than ever I am glad my DOUBTS have been WRONG. Honestly because of HIM, it made me see that I too can be a prince charming when I do like someone. Haha, thx man! Supporting you guys all the way baby! So love doesn’t necessarily have to START from TWO…it just needs time to form from ONE to TWO! (A very slim chance fellas, but possible nonetheless)

God bless!

Random photos from the year 2008! Enjoy!

2008-12-19T16:04:00.007+08:00

Random photo I stole from Facebook. Try find Dana! muahahaha, Im sorry Dana, I couldnt help it.

Two strangers who visited me at a random time

The Books I am currently reading NOW in Singapore

Singapore from the top of Singapore flyer! Thx karn for the treat. =)

Parents! =D

Me and Pam. =D Missing ya...

The four stooges. Me, Karn, Mal, Nirav

MY leavers jersey.

Paintball! =)

Karn's afterparty costume. =D

Dinner by Master Chef Karn at home...

Emo -ing in Queenstown

Ladies

Guys

Beautiful!

I love skiing!

My church photo after What's the Point 3! I hope NEXT YEAR will be EVEN MORE AWESOME! =D

The mime during What's The Point!

Me and Ji Seok, my korean best friend (during formal)

My uni next year! =D MY hair was growing from its bald state...

Opening of a youth group in my school... =D

My school grounds. I took a photo of a school photo. haha...not so clear....

Don't Keep The Score

2008-12-19T10:44:00.007+08:00

I read this for devotion today in my daily devotional guide, the Word for Today.

Honestly it really convicted me. So here goes, I will type this short extract. Digest it well fellas, digest it well. =)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you." Colossians 3:13

Jimmy drank too much at the party and embarrassed his wife Lisa. Next morning he felt bad and asked her to forgive him. She said she would, yet she kept bringing it up. One day, in discouragement, he said, "I thought you were going to forgive and forget." She said, "I have. I just don't want you to forget that I have forgiven and forgotten."

Do you forgive like that?

Keeping score only works in competitive sports; it's disastrous in relationships.

There's so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us
that we will spend much of our lives learning to forgive and forget. And forgetting is harder when the offence is great. Small offences can be forgiven quickly, big ones require a healing process.

But until you make the decision to forgive, the process can't even begin. How can you "forgive as quickly and completely as the Master as forgave you?"

Paul answers, "Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" (Col 3:12-13)

To practise this kind of forgiveness you MUST focus on a person's WORTH, NOT their WEAKNESSES. You must turn your heart away from what WAS, to what CAN be.

You say, "why should I forgive and forget?"
1) Because God's word tells you to.
2) Because YOU YOURSELF will continue to NEED FORGIVENESS.
3) Because you weren't built to carry the stress that goes with resentment.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I realised I sometimes forgive like Lisa in the extract above...

My first motto that I actually held close to heart was "Forgive and Forget" since form 2, nearly 4 years ago. But as I grew older I realise it was so much harder to really forgive and just let go of the pain people place in your life.
As the days goes by, I am still learning to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others and to forgive others for the pain they have caused me.
Yet no matter what from today, I will always do my best to focus on my friends' WORTH and not their WEAKNESSES.

Let us not forget all the good our friends have done for us just because of a few flaws or mistakes done on their part. =)

Are you with me?

p/s I am still waiting and hoping that one day the relationships that has soured with certain people will recover and things will be better again. I would often advise people to let go and move on after doing their best to save their relationship. Yet even though I feel like I have moved on, I will stop at times and look back. I still keep hoping and hoping like a little child...sometimes I feel I am such a fool...Don't u think so?

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And that which I can do, by the grace of God, I will do!
- Dwight L. Moody.

(A quote from a book Yvonne Loh gave to me. The journey from Success to Significance. It has been an awesome companion along this journey of life, Yvonne! Thanks so much. The book has always encouraged me to keep living not to be successful but to be significant)

My first week in Singapore

2008-12-12T22:09:00.007+08:00

Heiya!
It has been exactly one week living my new life in Singapore.

I havent been doing much, just going to random malls for the past few days.
Just settling down is quite a task for me, coming back from a small town to a big city is a huge environmental shock...

ANYWAY, I have an announcement!
I know I said I am not going back to KK but I managed to persuade my parents to let me go back for Chinese New Year so I will be back on:

Tuesday, 20th January until Thursday, 5th of February

Yea I decided not hide the fact Im coming back. It is better to let everyone know. Easier for me.
Anyone keen to accomodate me? I will be quite alone in KK so I do need some help...Anyone house free for me to stay? I sound so desperate lol.

Here are some recent photos for everyone. Enjoy!

SS - "Syok sendiri" or another version according to Elvina "shock sendiri"
Seriously sounds so wrong! ANYWAY, I was thinking of an english translation for "syok sendiri" for those who do not know malay and I found another SS translation

"SS - SELF SATISFACTION" Sounds good?

Me and Pammy!
Missing u lots! Hope you are enjoying yourself in Bangkok.
=D

My friend Jimmy, showing his skills in pool! We had fun playing a few games in some random mall at orchard road.

I saw BLACK CHICKEN in this random shopping mall.

I thought to myself: What you doing there NICCCCCHH........let me not finish that sentence....

(Im sorry I couldnt help it)

The first time I saw such a phenomena! Tell me U havent too or I might just be too outdated...

I know I wrote nothing much this time! I really do not know what to write about anymore. Any ideas? Tell me in msn! =D

This is Me. My Roots.

2008-12-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

From my Dad's blog post 4th Dec 08, Revelation is Real...

When I was in New Zealand early this year I wrote a number of posts about finding a home church in New Zealand for my son. Growing up as a Pastor's Kid (PK) is not easy as many stories and anecdotes will tell. My son has been through many adventures (at least that's what I think they are) as his father changes jobs and places of abode. When my son was born in 1990, I was a practicing lawyer, happy and contented. By the time he was just two years old, his dad had already sold the law firm and ventured to New Zealand. For two years in Auckland we rented a small flat in Penrose just a block or two away from the Baptist College where I was pursuing most of my theological study. At that time, I used to drive a second-hand car (an Hyundai) and it came in handy for shopping and travelling. At least twice a week we would go out for shopping and dining at some fast food restaurant. It later became a tradition in our family (my son, wife and I) to celebrate my son's birthday eating out at Pizza Hut or KFC (see picture - my son's 16th birthday at Pizza Hut, KK).

My son went to playschool at Royal Oak, a suburb near Penrose where he enjoyed drawing and listening to stories for 6 months. When I completed my study in 2 years my family and I lived among the tribal peoples of Borneo at the foot of Mount Kinabalu. That one year in Kota Belud (or Taginambur District) was most memorable for my son. In no time he spoke Malay fluently with the children of my colleagues in the Bible School. As the compound was huge and forest/jungle nearby, my son had a number of adventures, one of which was a rather painful one. He accidentally fell on top of a cactus tree and was pricked with many thorns. At that time as there was no electricity we relied on a generator to supply light for all the School community, I began to teach my son the Bible using a Children's Bible with pictures and comics. I began telling my son about my motto or philosophy of life which was to serve God unreservedly and to love Christ wholeheartedly. I began teaching my son to memorize some key verses (my favourites really). The two that stood out were:

"Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matt 4:4) and "Blessed are you poor for yours is the kingdom of God (Luke 6:20). My son knows the second verse well even when he was growing up into his teens. Everytime he would ask me to buy things for him or tell me that his friends have this expensive gadget or handphone and asked when I could buy him the same, I would quote "Blessed are the poor" verse as a reply. My son never threw a tantrum when his rare requests were turned down. Deep down he knows that he is a pastor's kid and with grace he bears with it cheerfully and without rancour. It was only much later when he finished Form 6 in New Zealand last year that I bought my son a rather expensive handphone. As for me, I still use my old RM150.00 Nokia model.

When my son was seven or eight, I was at the busiest time of my ministry, itinerating almost every other week in the villages of Borneo, preaching and conducting KKR (revival meetings) for a period of three years. Occasionally I would take my wife and son along if the journey was not too far into the interior and I know that there would be at least some shelter for them. On occasions in my travels I would not know whether I would have a roof over my head and it happened on one occasion that I slept without a roof over my head as the pastor's house was being renovated. Through my experience that night a sermon was birthed: "A hotel with a million stars." I preached that message in 2003 in my denomination's Pastors' Conference, countering what I saw then - visiting preachers demanding or expecting 5-Star treatment. Some preachers would not stay in a 4-Star Hotel!! So I told my story of staying in a "hotel" with a million stars because that night without a roof over my head, I saw the brilliance and glory of God's creation with a million stars (angels) watching over me. That sermon brought much conviction to many church leaders and some openly wept (and repented for kowtowing to these charlatans or money-grabbing preachers).

During one of the greatest storms ever to hit Sabah (Greg Storm in Kennigau 1997), my son was waiting for me in his grandmother's village in Tambunan, some 100 kms away from what I was ministering in Nabawan during Christmas. Many houses and roads were swept away and I managed to drive through one broken bridge just in time (the waves were crushing over the bridge and my car could easily be swept down under). My courage to take risks was to see my son's face - knowing that he would be worried if I did not return that day. Everytime I came back from preaching ministry or my travels, my son would be the first to greet me and said: "Daddy, I miss you - Welcome back!" On occasions he would tell me that he prayed for me because he was worried something bad would happen to me.

As my son left for New Zealand in February 2007, we were about to move house once again, this time to our own place. My son only saw it from afar and did not stay in it until end of 2007 when he came back for his holidays. Tomorrow my son will be back from New Zealand, God willing, and he will be going into another place yet again, not back to his hometown but to Singapore. I thank God for my son for he never complained even once of the many travels and changes that he had to endure as a pastor's kid, taking in his strides what the Lord has in store for him and for his dad.
---------------------------

Heiya,

Cyrus here.
My Dad posted this in his blog 2 days ago and it has become my inspiration to start a blog again.

Many of you might not know much about who I really am or my roots so here is something for you to know more about me.

You might judge me or look down on me, I don't really care.

All I know is I have a God and parents that love me unconditionally. Throughout the years, I have met friends who has accepted me for who I am and will always do their best to be there for me. For that, I am so thankful!

Everything takes time. So if God wills, please do not judge me from my past or from what popular opinion says about me.

Get to know me from who I am now and I ensure you, you will know a completely different Cyrus.

God bless!